Mumblings of a metabolic mutant

Oh, for the love of cheesecake!!!  I just signed up for this this danged blog thingy and I see ads on my first “pseudo” post for Weight-Watchers, bariatric surgery, and some undoubtedly high-priced meal replacement powder.  And I don’t even have a webcam so I know they can’t “see” me sitting here.  Too bad, too, because from the neck up I can pretty much tolerate my body!

Seriously, though, I am anxious to start putting some of these thoughts and words down so that maybe the little voices won’t keep me awake all night (and thus I can better hear the chocolate chips that I have hidden from my beloved Sweet Cheeks).

As a matter of fact, I have achieved Lifetime status at WeightWatchers (at least one lifetime and a whole lot of pounds ago).  I have lost a thousand pounds since then (10 pounds 100 times, that’s a thousand pounds, baby!) I recently re-joined the cult and after only 3 meetings declared myself too intelligent for the mind-numbing babble and commercialized pablum that is handed out, along with fairly childish stickers that are given for various achievements.  Puh-lease.  I’m fairly intelligent (as mentioned previously) and think I can make it without your help, I don’t care how good Jennifer Hudson looks!  See how well I’ve done so far.  Oh, wait……….hmmmm.  Check back in a few months.

Seriously, though, I have lost about 25 pounds since November.  Of course, I was then at my most bloated and hideous after a 7 day Caribbean cruise.  I vowed I would never eat again.  That lasted almost until I got to the end of the gangplank.  I have been focusing on healthier eating and more physical activity (until a fractured ankle took me off the streets).  I re-joined weight watchers because I did not want to balloon up to my previous hideousness while lazing about on our dual reclining sofa and rehabbing the very sore ankle.

The three meeting limit was reached this week (the last 3 times I tried WW again, I only made it to three meetings  – I find my tolerance to be quite low). I find I spend most of the meeting time talking to myself, asking questions like “I’m paying for this BS?” “Really? Greek yogurt isn’t counted as a serving of dairy?” and “Isn’t he/she ever going to shut up?”  I mean, really, who wants to hear about Very Large Guy’s success (I give all the meeting attendees nicknames).  Really?  Success?  You are the size of a bus.  Then there are the “Sisters”, two Weight-Watching siblings who apparently can’t eat a meal without each other and dress alike (but they are not twins, I’ve asked).  They painstakingly outline for the rest of us their judicious (or not) use of their “points”.  Excuse me, I mean Points Plus.  See, I’m not cut out for their cult.

If losing weight were easy we’d all do it.  I don’t know anyone who wakes up in the morning and asks, “how can I best pack on a few pounds today?”  I don’t care if I only lose a quarter pound of blubber a week, I’m gonna do it my way.



Filed under General Mumblings

3 responses to “Mumblings of a metabolic mutant

  1. Your post had me laughing….with tears, no less. I refuse to actually sit through WW meetings for the same reasons you described above. I think that I need to start regularly reading your blog for my own sanity…a good dose of humor goes a long way. I’m also at if you’re ever bored and need to read. 🙂

    • Thanks, I think as a person with a modicum of medical knowledge (I am an RN with a Master’s Degree in Education) it is very hard to sit through those meetings, so very little is really based on scientific knowledge and if it is, it is presented in such a laughable manner. I love your blog and intend to visit it frequently. I especially love your stories/posts about your dealings with patients – I think we nurses tend to forget that we are not the only ones “caring” for our patients.

      • I felt like a moron sitting in those meetings while I was a fourth year medical student not because I thought i was smart (yuck, far from it), I actually felt like it was a total waste of time b/c of the old ladies with nothing better to do than to yap about every meal they ate for the past week….then even get a BRAVE sticker for it!. Yes, these meetings are targeted for the average high schooler. Enough about that tho…I’m done venting. Now on to losing the 20 extra pounds of love I carry and am desperately trying to lose. PS: your vocabulary amazes me. I think that’s what has me particularly interested in your blog. Medical school mainly gave me cursing skills and now I’m quite adept at using them……sigh.

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