Sponsors I Won’t Be Seeking

CLAIROL

I probably need Miss Clairol more than most people my age.  I have white hair.  I have gone beyond salt and pepper – that was in my 30s. I found my first gray hairs at 16.  I plucked them out.  It soon became apparent that this would not be a good long-term strategy.  So I colored.  I have had every hair color known to mankind not found in nature, except for the blues, greens, purples and magentas.

I have thick, white, goofy hair. It grows very fast.  If I did decide to color it again, I would have to touch it up every few days.  I’m far too busy (read – too lazy) for that.  If it bothers you, please look away.  I’ve come to accept it, along with everything else that makes me – ME.

COLON CLEANSE

Not only will I not seek their sponsorship, neither do I need their services.  My colon cleanses itself every morning, sometimes five or six times before I leave the house. A long morning commute is not a good idea for me.  If you look in the dictionary under “regularity” you’ll find my picture (you’ll recognize me by my white hair).  We’re good.

AHH BRA

I have spent many hours and dollars attempting to find a comfortable, supportive undergarment for the upper region.  I am here to tell you that this product is not it.  I got six in the mail.  Maybe, MAYBE, if I put all six on at once there might have been a HINT of support, the fabric was so thin as to be see-through.  The design could only work if supplemented with massive amounts of DUCT TAPE.  It is not easy being a size 40 LONG  and these bras do absolutely nothing for a generous bustline.  I looked like I was sporting a couple of cantaloupe in a pair of wind socks. In a paradox not understood by anyone, I have lost 25 pounds and gained a cup size.  Go figure.

WEIGHT WATCHERS

Speaking of losing weight, I simply cannot stand to attend Weight Watchers meetings.  The leaders they hire have got to be the some of the worst public speakers I have ever met. So far as I can tell, their only qualification is that they must have lost weight with Weight Watchers and kept it off.

I NEED Weight Watchers, but I just can’t stomach the commercialized meetings and mindless crap spewed by members.  The handwritten flip charts are so tacky from a corporation that has bilked billions from desperate wanna-be losers.

It seems ridiculous to me  to assign an artificial value (POINTS, or now, POINTS PLUS) to foods when learning about real nutritional values makes more sense.  Ironically, Weight Watchers does have a program that espouses whole grains, lean proteins and minimally processed  whole foods.  They just don’t promote it (Simply Filling Technique).  Apparently, the program that lets you eat M&Ms and Little Debbies as long as you still have points left over is good enough for most people.  I’m working with www.nutritionmirror.com and my own workouts for now…with pretty good success.

BOTOX

I am constantly surprised by the twists and turns of life, but I do not wish to look as though I am constantly surprised.  The unwrinkled forehead, to me, is not a good look.  These forehead wrinkles I’m carrying allow me to look as though I am deep in thought, without ever actually having to be deep in thought.  What could be better!!!

I spent 10 years as a nursing home inspector and met a lot of elderly people.  Some of the most beautiful faces (to me, anyway) were leathered, lined, crinkled and wrinkled.  Those faces had character, reflected joy and sorrow, showed both hope and acceptance.  I only hope to possess that much beauty one day.

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10 Comments

Filed under General Mumblings, humor

10 responses to “Sponsors I Won’t Be Seeking

  1. You and my husband – neither one of you need colon cleanse. You two make me sick. (I say sweetly, of course.) Though I have absolutely no intention of ever using Colon Cleanse – EVER – I’m a wee bit envious… 5 or 6 times? Really? Your TP bill must be HUGE. (smile) ~ Lenore

    • As is our septic system…..8>) (that’s me with glasses)

      • I realize some of this is TMI, but I cannot believe the number of colon cleansing advertisements in the newspaper, on the radio and television, even coupons in the mail….I live in Florida and apparently things are a little backed up here. On my way to work I pass at least 3 or 4 colon cleansing “clinics”. It is, apparently, big business.

  2. I had a FB friend sharing posts by her FB friend undergoing a body cleanse. Talk about TMI. I think blockage comes with age, which is reflective of FL snowbirds, perhaps? Geritol exists for a reason. (FYI: I do not use or endorse any colon cleansing or stool softening products. (smile))

  3. OMG–haven’t thought about Miss Clairol in years…I think white hair is gorgeous! I wouldn’t use Botox for wrinkles because I don’t care about those…but can I use it for these dents in my face? 🙂

    • I love white hair, too, just took me a few years (like my 20s, 30s and 40s) to come to terms with it. Down here in Florida it is pretty much the norm…..

      They do have some stuff for “filling” in spots for your face, kind of like bondo, I think. I’m sure you don’t need it, though.

      Thanks for stopping by

  4. LOL. Great post. Love it. I actually have a patient who gets Botox. She looks like she is standing in a windstorm. I can hardly keep a straight face.
    Colon cleanse???? Now come on! For the bog sake give it one chance!
    😉

    • The population of the county I live in here in the Sunshine State has the highest average age in the NATION. I guess that is why there is so much advertisement for varicose vein stripping, cosmetic surgery, and various and sundry procedures for dealing with the effects of aging.

      I am willing to do a bit of research for the sake of my blog, but I draw the line at colon cleansing.

  5. I LOVE hair color, but I’m with you on everything else. I round out my list with tattoos. No thank you.

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