12 Step, Er, I mean 10 Step Program for Blogoholics

A woman typing on a laptop

Image via Wikipedia

Ever wished there was a 12-Step program for blogaholics?  Well, here’s my take…..

1.  We admitted we were powerless against blogging—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Powerless.  That’s a powerful word.  When you walk past the laptop, do you tell yourself you’re just gonna check your stats real quick?   And maybe a just a little quick post?  Then 2 hours later, the baby has fallen asleep at your feet with the dog’s bone in his mouth instead of his pacifier?   Do you check to see if anyone has commented on your latest post from your cell phone in church?  Do the numbers on your stats page affect your outlook for the whole day?  Yep.  That’s what I’m talking about.

I’ll tell you what HAS become unmanageable.  The laundry.  The dishes. Cooking.  Cleaning.  Hygiene.  All those things I used to do.  Now I sit hunched over the laptop like a fiend. Rapid-fire commenting, entering contests, and pounding out posts so that BOTH my subscribers won’t forget who I am.  Relentlessly checking stats and comparing themes, widgets, layouts and followers.  You don’t do that?  You don’t?  Never mind.

2.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

That power is someone I like to call the Wizard of Word(Press) – the WoW.  He and His disciples, the Freshly Pressed Overlords could restore us to sanity.  Or so we think. I like to believe he’s back there behind the curtain pulling levers and switching switches, while the Overlords feed in every written word to make those magical selections.  In reality I think there is probably a computer named BlurbTron3993 that makes those selections.  Unless, of course, you have been Freshly Pressed, then THAT was based on sheer talent, of course.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the WoW.

Yep, we’ve done that.  Turned our lives over, that is.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Okay, I guess that means we’ve Googled our names, blog names, post titles, user IDs and any other tag or phrase that identifies us.  Those search engines are good for that.  Then we can fearlessly peruse that list and see to that pesky “moral” inventory part.

5. Admitted to the WoW, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Okay, so I  have pilfered some pictures from Google Image.  I have dangled more than a few participles, and I have abused several gerunds.  I admit it freely. I have posted some totally crappy posts.  I’ll need at least one reader to comment so that I’ll know at least one has heard my admission.  Any takers?  Any one?  Hello?  Tap tap tap.  Is this thing on?

6. Were entirely ready to have the WoW remove all these defects of character.

You know, a good grammar checker and an instantaneous feedback feature would take care of those little defects.

7. Humbly asked the WoW to remove our shortcomings.

I would glady give up my shortcomings, if I had any.  Sigh.  What?  Not humble enough?  Okay, Okay, I’ll work on that.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Hmmmm.  This is gonna take some time.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

If they haven’t read my posts and don’t know that I’ve harmed them, then it makes no sense to tell them, right?  Okay, I’m good.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

What is this Wrong?  It’s freedom of the press, baby.   Oh. I see.  Those wrongs.  Ignoring family, friends and responsibilities.  Okay, Okay, I get it.

Due to the harsh reality of these economic times, the 12 step program has been downsized.  Steps 11 and 12 have been terminated, effective immediately.  I apologize for any inconvenience.  This will leave you more time for BLOGGING!


Filed under General Mumblings, humor, Uncategorized

30 responses to “12 Step, Er, I mean 10 Step Program for Blogoholics

  1. Lisa Wields Words

    Love this, and I definitely need a 10 step, or 12 step, or 20 step program. I especially love, however, your image of the WoW because the Wizard of Oz turned out to be nothing but a powerless man behind the machine. Perhaps we give Wow too much power, and it is time to take that power back for ourselves. Seriously, I wish they had a way for people to vote for favorite posts–like a reader’s choice Freshly Pressed.

  2. This is so me. Mea culpa. When I started blogging, just over a year ago, I didn’t realize then what I know now. That I would be turning my life over to WoW. Feed the beast. Must feed the beast. And for some reason, I cannot stop. It’s a sickness. Everything in my house has fallen apart. I never used to be this way. I was once organized and liked keeping my home neat and clean. But alas, now I know. Blogging is consuming. Where do we meet for Bloggers Anonymous?

  3. This is hilarious, and definitely worth a FP. WoW, you listening?? I will sacrifice my sink full of dishes for you to grant my request.

  4. Thanks, CMW. I love your stuff. Love it. I have long given up on FP. and WoW is a weenie.

  5. I wish that monkey would FP this one! (maybe he’s on vacation with the other WP powers-that-be?)

    I know I am addicted. I tell myself next week I’m taking a break. I swear! A whole week without blogging/commenting/checking stats. Let’s see if I can actually do it (I have a feeling serious withdrawal is in the works…) If you guys ever meet up for a BA meeting, I’ll bring the doughnuts.

    • No, no, it goes like this…
      You – “Hi, I’m Darla and I’m a Blogoholic…”
      Crowd, in unison – “Hi, Darla.”

      That monkey left his little footprints in the dust on the top of my refrigerator, ate all my snacks, terrorized my dog and rummaged around in my underwear drawer. The little shit. I was glad to see him go. HIs only interest seemed to be pitting caption contestants against one another. Darn that GG….at least we didn’t fall for it, too much.

      • Well if the first step is admitting I am a blogoholic, I am there. (Just can’t seem to get off of that damn step and move onto the next one…)

        Now when you say “little shit” are you referring to the monkey or what he left behind? (little tip: if he comes over again invest in some Pampers)

      • Definitely referring to the monkey. If he shows up here again I’m sending him over to Peg’s.

      • I heard that! I’m so discouraged by the last caption contest, I may never take part again. (walks off dejectedly, head drooping in total misery).

      • Oh, buck up, Peg. We had a little fun along the way. I better get over there and look at what is happening at GG’s. Maybe we could do a group caption?

  6. Nice job. Now we just have to keep “working the steps” forever and ever amen. Once a blogger, always a blogger. There is no cure. 😉

  7. Haha. It is 6:30 a.m. and I am on vacation in Australia. Am I reading my Lonely Planet to plan the day? NO, I am blogging!! But I tell you – doing it from an iPhone takes a whole lot of getting used to and I am suffering.

  8. where’s the next meeting? continue…

  9. I admit I am addicted. I wake up in the middle of the night in terror – the terror that I will have nothing to say tomorrow.

  10. What is that prayer from AA?
    “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
    courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
    I tell myself that to post each day ‘is only a commitment to myself’. Ha ha. I have been known to be sitting at the PC at 11.50pm rushing to get the post out today. And all those great posts still to read when I eventually go to bed. I shall be in an internet free zone for the next few days so I have scheduled my posts – Addicted, what do you think.

  11. Boy, do you have this spot on! I personally promise to reduce my blogging time to clean and have a life. And please note I did not say how much I would reduce my blogging time (even 2 seconds is a reduction!).

  12. jacquelincangro

    I resemble these remarks.
    I think it’s best to start small. You don’t want to overdo it by going cold turkey. Maybe there’s a patch for blogging to help get though the rough spots.

  13. You nailed this one! I’m thinking of taking up smoking again instead – seems like it may be a less destructive bad habit.

  14. pattisj

    Where do I sign up?

  15. I don’t know how I missed this one. I caught it because you referred to it on InnerChick’s post. Just reading this makes me sweat. I cannot tell you how close I come each day to just walking away from blogging. The only reason I don’t so it is because BlogUniverse will happily continue without me and that makes me even crazier.

Talk to me.

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