Fire Ants + Left Foot + Margaritas = Buzzed Bigfoot with Bruises

Fire Ant

On Saturday Sweet Cheeks and I took Shelby to an outdoor establishment for live music, dinner and adult beverages.  Shelby loves this kind of outing, except that applause confuses her.  We clap our hands when we want her to return a thrown ball.  When everyone starts clapping, she gets annoyed that none of the stupid humans thought to bring a ball for fetching.  This place also has a doggie menu, but we didn’t order the filet mignon for her.  She is spoiled, but not that spoiled!! They gave her treats and a fresh bowl of water.

Anyway, after disembarking from the vehicle on the way to the establishment I must have stepped in an anthill.  A fire ant hill.  I had walked about 15 feet when the agony began.  The nasty little bastards were swarming over my slip-on sneaker and were biting the hell out of my ankle.  I may have even said a bad word or two (or ten).  I whipped off the shoe and proceeded to brush them away.  When I was sure the little buggers had all been killed or returned to their earthly home, I replaced my shoe and with as much dignity as I could muster (and believe me, it wasn’t much) I proceeded to the establishment.

Fire Ants Gathering...

Image by ChR!s H@rR!0t via Flickr







I am not much of a drinker, and I can usually pace myself pretty well.  That first drink, though, had me feeling loopy almost immediately.  I don’t know if it was the ant venom, the adrenaline, or both, but after a couple more I was pretty quickly reduced to a fluid mass of relaxation.


Margarita cocktail

Image via Wikipedia

However, I was enjoying the music, the fresh air, and showing off my dog.  Until she decided to investigate another canine and pulled me from my folding chair to a prone position on the ground within a matter of seconds.  I didn’t even see it coming.  Fortunately, neither the other dog, nor I was hurt (like I would have felt anything!!!).



I only just barely remember taking this picture before we left.

Sweet Cheeks, Shelby and the gator at the Nav-A-Gator

I got home and my foot continued swelling, my buzz was fading, and I realized that my left leg, from the knee down – was on fire.  I had probably 30 bites – mostly on the ankle and shin.  And the bites both burned and itched intensely.  A couple of benadryl and I fell immediately asleep.

The next day the itching and burning intensified.  Cortisone cream only seemed to magnify the maddening burn and the nerve endings screamed for relief.  Massive doses of benadryl kept the itching at bay but made me groggy and thirsty.  I found a couple of bruises I must have gotten from my impromptu meeting with the ground.

Today I went to work wearing a pair of shoes carefully chosen to allow for swelling, oozing and general disgusting-ness.  My foot looks like a big fat blob and my toes like little sausages.   I will spare you the actual picture, but here is one of a leg with many bites – mine are much more swollen and irritated – I would probably die if I had that many bites.

A human leg three days after coming in brief c...

Image via Wikipedia
















I am hoping the swelling will go down soon.  Or that my foot will fall off.  Either way, I’m good.





Filed under humor, Uncategorized

40 responses to “Fire Ants + Left Foot + Margaritas = Buzzed Bigfoot with Bruises

  1. Oh, you poor baby! Fire ants are the worst and that’s what they look like in your picture. We have to be so careful at the farm to stay out of their way. I am so sorry.

  2. ewww, but your leg is prolly more clean shaven. massive doses of margaritas would’ve helped too. continue…

  3. I feel your pain. That looks horrible, Next time just play fetch.

  4. On the bright side, these are the adventures that make good blog posts! Hope the itching goes away soon.

  5. I would suggest applying the margarita directly to the bites. In addition to the topical dosage, the alcohol should also be taken orally every hour,daily, until the pain is gone.. You’re welcome. My bill will be in the mail..

  6. Yikes! I had the misfortunate of stepping into a fire ant’s nest wearing just flip flops this past summer. But the damage was nowhere close to what you’ve endured. Get well soon, mate!

    • I guess the swelling is related to the degree to which you are allergic to the venom. It is nasty, but a little less swollen, but no less itchy, this morning.

  7. Oh my goodness! I hate when nature attacks me when I’m just trying to enjoy it. That’s why I pretty much stay inside. I sure hope you recover without too many complications. Fire ants. Mother Nature can be cruel!

  8. Holy smokes, K8. That is awful! I’m glad they didn’t get both ankles and shins. Yikes!

  9. Ahhh! That is terrible! Good lord. Hope you feel better soon.

  10. You have my sympathy, and commiseration! WordPress clearly thought we should share our ant agonies (rather than agony aunts!). Hope you heal up soon- I have beautiful scars from my run-in (or stand-on) but thankfully they weren’t fire ants (I now have an EpiPen, just in case I ever do encounter them!)

  11. You poor, poor baby! That’s horrible! I’m rushing you some relief via Fed Ex Urgent Overnight – a giant, economy size bottle of Nair.

    (hope you’re better soon!)

  12. Yikes! I’ve never had an encounter with fire ants before, a truth I hope remains for many years to come after reading this post. More specifically, “forever.” 🙂

    I hope it all heals up fast!

  13. Doc

    You blew it! A great home remedy for fire ant bites is lime juice. So, there you were drinking margaritas and you never thought? Next time, give me a call. I’m a veritable fount of useless information- this time I could have helped!

  14. Yeesh. Now I want a margarita. My leg is itching like crazy just from looking at that picture!

  15. tsonoda148

    Fire ants are the worst. It’s been years but I still remember stepping in a next with bare feet. Agony ensued for a couple days. Hope you’re doing better soon!

  16. Msmouse7

    Whoa that is one thing I don’t miss about Florida.I hope you feel better soon and NO SCRATCHING!

  17. OMG,
    I despise those damn fire ants…little devils!

    Have a margarita or two, okay? xx

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  20. Rocio Lass

    Ant bites can really be annoying. I always use some anti-inflammatory to treat it. ..

    Remember to look over this useful blog

  21. Dolores Shouse

    Ant bites can be serious, or even fatal. Angry ants will swarm upon anything in their path and begin to bite if their mounds are disturbed. Every year, millions of people are bitten by ants in the United States alone. Knowing how to treat ant bites is important, even if the only reaction you have is mild.^

    View all of the most interesting article at our own internet page

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