A Post in Which I Answer the Age Old Question – What Has She Been Smokin?

Warning – this post is rated MLO (Meat Lovers Only). This post may contain images that are disturbing to vegetarians.

(Inhaling and holding my breath) Here, you want some of this? It’s good shit stuff…

Don’t you think it is funny when people inhale and try to talk while holding the smoke in their lungs? I do. Think it’s funny, I mean. I don’t actually inhale anything, but I have friends who do.

Over the years (or months if that’s how long you’ve known me) you have undoubtedly asked yourself this very question “What has that girl been smokin’?” Well, today I intend to answer that question because (cough, cough, cough – exhale) inquiring minds want to know.  This, dear ones, is what I am smoking today.

"Rubbed and Resting"

Yep, that’s right.  Pork butt.  Whole chicken.  Beef roast.  Sausages (as in Jimmy Dean pork sausage rolls).  And it smells heavenly.  As does my hair from tending the little square smoker out on the patio.

Shelby watches over the smoker - drooling at the lovely smell.

Every time I smoke something (food – I mean FOOD, people), my husband asks me if I wrote down the recipe for the rub I used.  So I ask him, “When you make love to a beautiful woman do you need a recipe?”  I see him struggle to come up with the best possible answer for that one, (What would the best answer for that question be, anyway?) So I answer the question for him. “Of course, you do”. 

Then I realize that is not a good analogy, since I don’t have a recipe.  So I try again to answer the question for him.  “No, you go to the store and buy something you know will do the trick!”  Again the analogy is not quite right. 

I’m just kidding, folks.  I don’t send him to the store for a dry rub for my meat, I make my own.  Uh, oh, I can see where your minds are going with that one.

Okay, okay.  So smoking stuff does not make me funnier (or even funny, for that matter).  But my rub recipe goes something like this.  Stand in front of the pantry door that is covered with little racks of spices.  Get a bowl and toss in some brown sugar, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, chili powder, red pepper flakes, oregano, dry mustard, salt, freshly ground black pepper, a dash of cayenne, some allspice and a little cumin.  Don’t measure and don’t even guess how much of each ingredient is added, just add according to your own preference for each.

Flatten out (butterfly) a whole chicken.  What?  You don’t know how to flatten out a whole chicken? Watch this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjWtodUmHgw&feature=related

Or, if that link isn’t working (I couldn’t get Word Press to embed the video) – Get your kitchen scissors and cut down both sides of the backbone, pull it out and save it, with the giblets, for making stock.  Then open up the chicken, rinse it off, and dry with a paper towel.  Then rub your special rub all over it,  and all over the pork and beef roasts, as well.  Roll your sausage rolls in the spice rub.  Let them set for an hour or so, basking in their lovely rub, to bring them to room temperature.

Slap everything on the preheated little smoker.  Chicken takes about an hour per pound – keeping the temperature in the smoker between 225 and 250.  So my 5+ pound chicken will be done in about 5 hours.   The roasts will cook a bit longer. The sausages about 3 hours.  I’ll check with a meat thermometer to ensure things are done before I start pulling them off.

Keeping a little fire burning

Sometimes, I have been known to sit on the patio with liquid refreshments because I need to keep track of the smoker, and let’s face it – we all need fluids.  This is work, people.  Serious, hot, smoky work done from my Zero Gravity reclining lawn chair with a drink in my hand.

Margarita cocktail

Image via Wikipedia

Mine is a charcoal smoker, so I add charcoal briquets (without the nasty lighter fuel on it – gack!!), natural charcoal (which is already burned wood – who knew you could buy already burned wood!!), and chunks of hardwood (hickory) throughout the day. 

Supplies needed, in addition to lime juice, tequila, and salt

I check the coals every 1/2 hour or so, and add water to the water bowl as needed.  The water keeps things from drying out.  I keep a pan of water on top of the smoker so it is pretty well heated up when I add it (otherwise, adding cold water lowers the temperature in the smoker box).  There are little vents on the sides of the smoker and every once in awhile I’ll twist one open or closed, depending on how the temperature is holding.  I told you, this is very demanding work…I have to set down my book AND my drink to accomplish all this.

Anyway, if I haven’t passed out from the “refreshments” or managed to give myself a heatstroke from lounging in close proximity to the smoker in the bright Florida sun, I will end up with a delicious array of yumminess like this:

The dark outside is called the "bark" and the pink coloration is the "smoke ring"

Some of which I will serve today with strawberry shortcake for dessert (strawberries I picked yesterday at a friend’s farm).  My beloved husband will do all the clean-up.  And I will not cook for the rest of the week.

So, what have you been smokin’?

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54 Comments

Filed under K8e's Kitchen, Uncategorized

54 responses to “A Post in Which I Answer the Age Old Question – What Has She Been Smokin?

  1. Looks delicious! Thanks for sharing your smoking tips; I have always wondered what you’ve been smoking.

  2. Ohhhhhh…. that looks so good!

      • It looks like it. Not sure where you live, but I grew up in Indiana and moved to Birmingham when I was in my mid-30’s. BBQ, as I knew it before moving, was putting food on the grill and slapping sauce on it. Then I learned what true BBQ was about… the smoking and rub. LOL… I heard a joke (of course a deeply rooted southern “gentleman” co-worker gave me this list of You know you’re a yankee when jokes): “You know you’re a Yankee when BBQ is a verb.” Now I live in NM and I miss good ol’ smoked meat like you have here. YUM!

      • We’re in Florida – it was 83 degrees today. I fire up the smoker 3 or 4 times a year (the clean up is a bear and I’m glad the hubby takes care of that). Here in the South, they know that barbecue is a noun, a very tasty noun.

  3. My my my! That looks great! I have to say, given your stomach issues, I’m happy to see you can eat (and drink) this stuff!

  4. I gave up smoking when my children were in primary school – just about when the evils were being brought home to us all. But smoking food is something I haven’t tried. May just pop out and buy a smoker. Watch this space!

    • I have the charcoal kind – I just prefer the taste. There are some good electric smokers that require a whole lot less work, though. It’s kind of a ritual for me, and I don’t do it often.

      I’m glad you gave up smoking – you and your children are undoubtedly healthier for it.

  5. That’s looks darn tasty. I love smoked meats. I’ve never tried doing it on my own, but no way I’d turn any of that down. Next time invite me.

    Lee
    Have you heard about the A to Z Video Challenge?
    Blogging from A to Z

  6. Damn, that looks good. And the strawberry shortcake sounds delicious. I bought some Plant City strawberries at the store yesterday and they are very sweet. If you’re not too far from Citrus county, I may have to pop over for lunch soon! 🙂

    • I picked the strawberries at a friend’s farm near Zolfo Springs. They have a wonderful operation where the berries are in pots up above the ground so all the senior citizens can pick berries without having to bend down. Not that I’m a senior citizen, but it sure was easier than picking them from the ground like I did as a child.
      I’m not sure where Citrus County is, but I am in Charlotte County. Lunch would be delightful…

  7. OMG! That looks so good! Too bad I don’t cook…

    • I simply can’t fathom a life in which one does not cook….although it seems like a chore sometimes, it can be a source of great fun. It’s the clean-up that I don’t like.

  8. Oooooo….drooling over this post! Sounds yummy!

  9. It looks delish. The guy in the video was very cute but he didn’t wash his hands and got salmonella all over the barbeque handle! That’s why you need the disinfectant drinks.

  10. I’m going to have to do a cleanse after reading this. That and meditate. I’m a vegan for Heaven’s sake–but you warned me… 😉

  11. Snoring Dog Studio

    Sounds like a perfectly wonderful way to spend the day! Having a clean up crew is essential, too.

  12. That’s it. I gotta get a smoker. I hope you’re happy now.

  13. Honey, I’m coming over to your house…we’ve got ten jars o’ rub and have no clue how to smoke. You need to do a vlog on it next!

  14. Oh those loook lovely! My husband likes to smoke salmon at Christmas and pork loin- how do you keep the dog calm? My animals have tried in vain to mate with the smoker….

    • She stayed in close proximity to the smoker all day – the smell was heavenly. She kept waiting for something to drop to the ground, but alas, nothing did (this time). I shall have to try salmon one of these “smoking” days, and pork loin sounds delicious as well.

  15. That is the sanest food post and the most perfectest approach to cooking that I have EVER read. Too many people forget the importance of staying hydrated while preparing the evening meal, so thanks for the health tip, too.

  16. Yum. Looks very good–and now maybe I need to start smokin’ too.

  17. I seldom encourage people to smoke, but I’m willing to make an exception in this case…

  18. Yum! This looks like a hobby I’m going to have to trick my hubby into taking up.

    Laughed out loud when you asked your hubby about needing a recipe when he makes love to a beautiful woman. He should have thought fast and said “I don’t know. You’re the only beautiful woman in my sights. Do you think I need a recipe?”

    • Yes, definitely get hubby to do it. I have perfected the art of asking my husband questions that he cannot possibly answer without some sort of trouble ensuing. In return, he has perfected the art of not really answering a question directly. See, I guess we were truly meant to be together…

  19. Hmmmmm Don’t think I’ve ever smoked anything, to be honest. At least not THAT kind of smoking. But, God, it looks amazing. Any left? I’m getting hungry here in Kentucky.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    • Yes, there is plenty….come on down. I will offer a sampler plate for dinner tonight, then the rest will probably be put into the freezer in dinner sized portions. It was a lot of work, and took all day, but we will probably get 20 meals out of it all.

  20. My husband is a smoker – he’s a joker – he’s a midnight … Wait, wait – nevermind.
    For my son’s birthday, Rob smoked pork – including a ham. He loves smoking. He also loves old Cheech and Chong movies. Coincidence?

  21. my kind of porn. pork butts ooooooh…drool, drool, and more drool. love me some butt. as usual written with wit and style Kate. when’s dinner? continue…

  22. WOW – that is some mound of meat. My husband would be in heaven. He’s a carnivore. At least, you get your cooking all done in one day. I much prefer you liquid refreshment.
    Great story …
    Isadora

    • There are a great many carnivores amongst us. I could live on salads, fruits and vegetables, but my husband would starve. Liquid refreshments are very important – a properly hydrated cook (or smoker) is a happy cook.

  23. This is such a great post. I’m a huge meat/protein guy, so this is like heaven to me. YAY!!

  24. –Katy,
    OH, MY. this looks AMAaaaaZING.
    You. Are. A. Cooking. Queen.
    …..or should I say Smokin’ Queen?

    Yummmmmy. X

  25. My husband loves to watch those BBQ shows on TV – the ones where they have the meat smoking competitions. I can only imagine how happy he would be to sit and watch a talented women like you cook all his favourite meats!

    • Believe me, if I had a husband the least bit interested in doing it himself, I’d let him. Mine was at work that day, so only got the enjoy a little bit of watching before getting his dinner and facing the clean-up. Thanks for stopping by.

  26. Anonymous

    Pass that over here!

  27. Looks delicious! Thanks for sharing your smoking tips!

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