Sometimes I’m Sexually Active – Sometimes I Just Lay There

Just kidding!!!  Usually I just lay there.  Or is it lie there?  Oh, hell.  I’m kidding, people.  I’m kidding!!!

British researchers, writing in the “Student BMJ” medical journal, have reported that sexually transmitted diseases have skyrocketed in the senior citizen population.  “A cross sectional study showed that more than 80 percent of 50 to 90 year olds are sexually active with cases of many common sexually transmitted infections more than doubling in this age group in the past 10 years,” wrote co-authors Rachel von Simson, a medical student at King’s College London, and Ranjababu Kulasegaram, a consultant genitourinary physician at St Thomas’ Hospital London. They cite studies showing an increase in cases of syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhoea in the UK, USA and Canada in 45 to 64 year olds.

 Theories abound about the possible reasons for this dramatic rise in STD cases in older participants:  lack of education aimed at older populations, increase in use of prescription medications for erectile dysfunction, and lower rate of condom use in people over 45.  Baby boomers became sexually active post-pill and pre-AIDS and as such, their sexual education likely did not include condom use beyond possible birth control or STD prevention with “easy girls and prostitutes”.

Sexually transmitted disease

Image via Wikipedia

While all of this is highly alarming, of course, there exists boundless opportunities for entrepreneurs to capitalize on this phenomenom.  For instance:

There is the “sorry about the herpes” cookie.

Sorry About the Herpes

The “You Might Want to See Your Doctor” card

That warm feeling since our last date may be more than just reminiscing....you might want to see your doctor, soon.

The condom bouquet “Let’s Do it Again, and Again, and Again” (Viagra manufacturers should include a coupon for these with each prescription).
 
 
 
Nursing homes and assisted living facilities will need to update their marketing to include “conveniently located condom machines” and “free STD testing”.
 
 
STD clinics at nude senior citizen beaches and resorts…..
 
 
 
AARP discounts at brothels:
 
Brothel Australia
 
 
And the “high speed condom applicator” for those whose arthritic fingers make it difficult to apply said protection….
 
All kidding aside…..people are living longer, health conditions are being managed or reversed, and medications have made it possible for people to be sexually active for their entire lives.  Please take care of yourselves, and your health.  In every way.  Every time.
 
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38 Comments

Filed under humor, Uncategorized

38 responses to “Sometimes I’m Sexually Active – Sometimes I Just Lay There

  1. You really crack me up! Lately you have been VERY focused on sex. I have to say it does make for some humorous reading. But that picture of the senior citizen nudists nearly blinded me, then I realized that could very possibly be a picture of me! Your posts always brighten my day.

    • Okay, I have looked back through my last 20 posts or so….I can’t find a single one about sex. I think you may have confused me with Renee over at Life in The Boomer Lane (http://lifeintheboomerlane.wordpress.com). I am flattered by that, she is probably mortified. Anyway, I am glad that you stopped by and cracked up. We need that. When we’re not having sex.

  2. As KLR said above, your more into sex posts now, is it an age thing 🙂 i have only made one sex post.
    I’m 66 and i still cannot believe someone 75 / 80 having sex, and a young person could not get their heads around that.

    • Again, Harry, I have reviewed my recent posts, and none are about sex. I am sure my kids are mortified to think about their mother being sexually active (or even just laying there). So I hope they don’t read this or spend much time thinking about it. Young people do not, indeed, like to think about older people engaging in sexual activity.

  3. What I am about to say is tricky – my Dad died back in 1992. It sucks. Yes. However, after reading this – I am thrilled my Mom is happily single. Even though I am just shy of my 43rd birthday – the thought of my Mom having sex at the age of 79 scares me. (Though that condom cracked me up.)

    • I found the high-speed condom applicator very humorous. I’ve been married for so long I cannot even fathom having sex with anyone other than Sweet Cheeks – but the reality is that many older people find themselves single for a variety of reasons, and many want to engage in relationships again. Their understanding of sexually transmitted diseases may not include up-to-date information. Obviously, much education is needed given the alarming rise in STDs among that age group. I’m glad your mom is happily single – and hope you really aren’t scared by the thought of your mom having sex at any age.

  4. You only feel like lying there sometimes. I get it. 🙂

    • Actually, that is a long-standing joke around our house. Once, during a dr. appointment, the doc asked if I was sexually active. I replied “No, I just lay there”. He did not get the joke at all…

  5. Too funny! I, too, was blinded by the elderly nudist couple on a the beach. Good God! Amazing what Viagra will do.
    Kathy

    • Amazing, indeed. I love the commercial where it talks about calling the doctor if you experience a sudden loss of vision or hearing. You’re going to be able to find the phone and make a phone call if you cannot see or hear? Well, I guess your partner could make the call for you, if she’s awake…

  6. Great blog for search engine optimization. Keep us posted as to whether your stats climb for this one.

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  7. It’s funny until I realize that all those women of a certain age who I thought of as ‘Cougars’ are now just ‘women’.

  8. I saw this on the news and almost spit out my coffee from laughing. You would think older people would be well-educated on these things after being around for so long. I guess they may have tuned out those warnings assuming they weren’t the intended audience. At least they don’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies.

    • I think those senior citizens who have been single all along are probably pretty up-to-date with their awareness and practices, but those seniors who find themselves suddenly widowed, divorced, or just looking for something different aren’t accustomed to thinking about protection from venereal diseases, and being past the age of worrying about pregnancy no longer fear that. Indeed, most public service announcements are targeting younger populations.

  9. Kate, i think that’s the “Student BJ” medical journal. anyway…have fun. continue…

  10. Yeah, the young don’t like to think of old folks having sex, but can’t imagine that they will a) ever be old or b) ever not have sex.

    BTW-how does one decide to be a “genitourinary physician” anyway?

  11. I guess I had misunderstood the term “active seniors” up to now. I thought it was all bus trips and KEANO and early bird specials. Well, something to look forward to, I guess.

  12. What about the people who lie there, telling lies?

  13. You are hilarious, my friend. In some ways, I’m thinking, “Ewww!” and on the other hand, “Great tips/suggestions.” Great sense of humor, as ever.

  14. Jackie Cangro

    Necessity is the mother of invention, re: condom applicator for arthritic hands.
    Funny post! It got me thinking (not in a good way, I’m afraid.) 😉

  15. Snoring Dog Studio

    Gosh. Your 70’s and 80’s are supposed to be a time in your life during which you’ve got nothing left to be embarrassed about. Ah, some people’s parents…

    • Really, you’ve lived that long and you’re embarassed to insist on condom use? Or unprepared on a “date”? I know, you just can’t tell your parents anything these days…

      • Snoring Dog Studio

        It’s just not my parents’ generation to think that way. Marriage was supposed to be forever and straying and having affairs were never part of it. Anyway, it’s difficult enough to be dealing with having to tell my parents they can’t drive anymore, they can’t have a gun, and that their memories are failing.

      • You’re right – you shouldn’t have to sit down and have “the conversation” with your parents about safe sex….

  16. What do they say, “You’re as young as you feel?” How young can these people feel? Their skin looks pretty leathery… 😉

  17. I love this post. Well done. Once you’ve got a great title, half your work is done.

    • Glad you enjoyed it – for some reason, you turned up in my spam folder.

      I think I enjoy finding the right title sometimes more than actually writing the post.

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