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I’ve spent a couple of days without Internet. That is never good, especially for my interwebz-addicted husband. What I have had, instead, is a pretty good fever, hovering just under 102 degree Fahrenheit. I like to type Fahrenheit.
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Anyway, my fever-addled brain has come up with some interesting(?) thoughts. For instance:
What if my dog can smell a tumor but can’t tell me?
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What if more basketball really is the answer?
Do ions know whether they are negative or positive? Do they try to change?
What if I tried match.com and got matched up with my first husband?
match.com - Make Love Happen (Photo credit: bixentro)
What if I tried match.com and found out my current husband was trying out match.com, as well? Awkward, no? And what if we weren’t a perfect match?
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Wouldn’t it be cool if cars could talk? I don’t mean in the parking lot, to each other….I mean to you, their owner. It could go like this “good morning, Katy, you look lovely this morning.” See, so far, so good. “What, you forgot breakfast again? The drive-though? Again? Look, you didn’t even clean up the last mess you made eating in here. I’m getting a little tired of your trying to manuever us through this crazy traffic with a McMuffin in one hand and cup of coffee in the other….” On second though, not such a good idea.
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Wouldn’t it be cool to take the aspirin that jackass was talking about (you know, the one that was talking about birth control and said an aspirin between the ladies’ knees was effective birth-control?) Yeah, that jackass (Foster Friess). Take some aspirin (still in the bottle) and place it forcefully into his meatus. Look it up if you must, but I think that would take care of his birth control needs for a little while.
Why does my dog bark at butterflies and birds but never even twitched her ears when the Comcast guy got out of his truck, knocked on the door, and entered our home?
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Why does the Comcast guy look like a 14 year old Justin Bieber?
Where DO broken hearts go?
Why did they call the wind Mariah?
When will that tylenol kick in?
What is that metallic taste? Why is there a spoon in my mouth?
Why do ice chips sound wonderful after surgery but not so much when suggested as a main entree?
Is it “feed a fever and starve a cold”, or “starve a fever and feed a cold”? I can never remember.
Have you got any ice cream?
Why don’t I just put this laptop down for now and get another 18 hours of sleep?
k8edid 
This is hysterical. Yeah, sounds like you need some more sleep–and, perhaps, something to dial back that fever. And what if more basketball is the the answer? Yikes! (Here in Kentucky folks already believe that it is!)
Hope you are feeling better soon, my friend!
Hugs,
Kathy
They do take their basketball pretty seriously in Kentucky. I’m married to a Hoosier, so basketball (or more basketball) usually is the answer. Good thing I enjoy it (for the most part) with March Madness approaching.
Between you and Darla (She’s a Maineiac), I’m thinking illness (and the subsequent cold meds) is the answer to my writer’s block!
Hilarious. I think I’ll call on you when I need to spell Fahrenheit.
There is no better trip than an over-the-counter encounter. Cheap, legal, and highly entertaining. If you don’t mind the occasional hallucination or hours-long blackouts, that is. I don’t believe the FDA has approved Nyquil for curing writer’s block, but perhaps it should.
Since you’re on such a roll (and are hepped up on OTCs), I’m wondering if you could answer this question I’ve been pondering for some time: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Thank you.
My first guess would be “a lot of wood”. My second guess would be “none”.
Ha! Oh my GOD, you are hilarious when you’re sick (or not, for that matter) The dog barking at the butterflies but not the cable guy killed me. And the Justin Bieber reference. Why is it that every single guy I run into looks like him? The guy at McD’s drive thru, the cable guy, my OBGYN…Does this mean I’m getting older than dirt or are my eyes going faster than I thought? I am feeling better today (nyquil-free) so I hope you will too (although fever does make for interesting posts)
I thought it was just me….every male under the age of 30 looks like Justin to me. Maybe my eyes are going, maybe it’s my mind…yeah, chances are it’s my mind.
I am feeling a little better – fever still here but at least breaking every now and then for a few moments of lucid (HA HA) thought.
The aches that come with fevers are gawd-awful. But the delirium that comes with a fever is hysterical… if you have the mindset to make a note of each and every crazed thought.
Rest, K8. (And keep that note pad nearby.)
I plan on spending 3 1/2 hours in bed with a good doctor (Zhivago). I do need to keep a note pad nearby as my memory is as fleeting as these delirium-induced thoughts.
Aw sweetie, you sound like you could use some old fashioned chicken soup….
It is interesting where your mind goes when you have a fever….I once stalked my first husband on facebook for all of 5 minutes. Thank goodness I fell asleep and woke up sane!
Sending soup over the net-get better!
Interesting, indeed…I kept waking up thinking there was something I needed to do (besides letting the cable guy in). Still haven’t figured out what it was…Thanks for sending the net soup over. Delicious.
I love your fever induced thoughts. All of them are excellent, especially the one related to aspirin. Tee hee hee!
I was watching the news and saw his comment – and I wanted to choke him and I am not a violent person. Usually. Unless I have a fever. Or someone says something that stupid…or both.
When you are feeling better, will you try to answer some of these questions?
Oh, Lord – NO. Some questions do not even need to be answered. Except of course, unless my dog CAN smell a tumor but can’t tell me.
Yes, that was the big one I was thinking about.
Katy,
You Crack Me Up!
Btw, your Comcast dude is HOT! haaaa Haaa
Oh, I’m sure he was impressed with my 2-day bed-head hair, sour-sweat-from-breaking-fever smell, and stained sweatpants in spite of 85 degree weather. I did, at least, brush my teeth before letting him in the house. No one, not even the cable guy, deserves less than that.
What if you went on Match.com and said “I like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain…” Would you get your now-husband, or some refugee from the 70s?
Sounds like everyone in the bloggy world has come down with something. I feel great! Logging off to go wash my hands.
(Hope you’re better soon!)
Ha Ha – pina coladas!! Definitely would not get my now-husband (nor then-husband, either). I have a friend who went to Match.com and got matched up with her ex right off the bat. Sad. But true.
I’m glad you’re feeling well, Peg. Really, I am. No, I mean it. Seriously. Cough, cough. If I pull through this, and at this point I could go either way, I’ll remember how you cheerfully stopped in to see me on my deathbed.
I’m thinking ol’ Foster isn’t using that thing all that much.
You’re probably right, but I’d like for someone (other than me, of course) to do it.
Katy, my dear, if you have a fever, the only prescription is more cowbell. Not basketball. You’ve gotten them confused. Just ask Dr. Chris Walken at his Saturday Night Live office. Also, I think you should try the Match.com experiment. Just for kicks. While high.
Cowbells! Who knew?
Brilliant idea – I might just get liquored up on Nyquil and try the old match.com – for research purposes only!
I have a friend who lives in the Houston area and she was matched via E-Harmony with her ex-husband. She hasn’t dated since.
That would do it for me, as well.
You poor baby! And with a guest in the house. Something tells me he’s low maintenance so just take care of yourself and hope that fever comes down.
I’ve had a little break from the fever this afternoon, but it is back this evening…my houseguest is so sweet, and very low-maintenance.
that foster freiss a-hole should meatus in a dark alley somewhere eh? you write/are funny with or without fever Kate, but hope ur well soon.
continue…
This is weird and funny, so I like it very, very much. I like your question about why they call the wind Mariah. Does that mean when someone breaks wind, we can ask who let Mariah out?
Thank you for the laughter.
What if your dog can smell a tumor but WON’T tell you?