Sometimes, and I know you are going to be shocked by this revelation, I am overcome by dark moods. I know, it IS hard to believe, isn’t it. Sometimes these moods stretch over several days. Again, I know you are finding this nearly impossible to comprehend. But, alas, it is true.
Once, in the middle of one of these moods, I went out to eat with co-workers in an attempt to crawl out of my funk. Our server (why can’t they be waiters and waitresses any more?) asked each of us in turn “What would you like?” Just for a moment, my mood – foul and black – struggled for control. As each co-worker placed their order, I sat thinking “What would I really like?”
“What I’d like,” I wanted to say “is a homecooked meal I don’t have to cook. I’d like to sleep long, and late and uninterrupted – and then spend a day in my pajamas without having to be sick to feel entitled to do so. I’d like to win the lottery and give every single penny away. I’d like to live in a world where parents never hear ‘Your child has cancer.’ I’d like to watch the news and not feel like weeping. I’d like politicians to shut up and do something, ANYTHING, but please shut up. I’d like to sit in a rocking chair with an infant snuggled on my chest and rock them to sleep feeling their warm, moist breath on my neck. I’d like to have a stranger (sober) pay me a compliment. I’d like to wear killer heels just once more. I’d like to read all day and make love all night – or vice versa. I’d like to have long legs, hair and fingernails. I’d like for my husband to know that he is as important to me as the air that I breathe. I’d like a clean house, a dirty martini, and a stack of good books. I’d like to go back in time and see my children’s faces the first time they tasted ice cream. I’d like to hug a veteran, slap a pedophile, and tickle a toddler. I’d like to be outgoing and happy and free from soul-sucking black moods. I’d like an order of optimism with gratitude on the side. And if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like to see justice for all.”
What I said, when she got to me was “I’d like the tuna melt and unsweetened tea, please”. She didn’t even know she dodged that bullet…so I left her a huge tip.