K8edid’s Top Secret World Famous Soft Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Image: Billboard at the Oak Ridge Facility warning workers to keep silent with regards to anything seen or heard while working on the Manhattan Project (© Ed Clark/Life Magazine/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images)

You know those “World Famous” chocolate chip cookies that everyone raves about?  Yes, the ones made from the recipe on yellow package of semi-sweet chips?  Yes, those.  Everyone loves those, right?  Blech. Pfffft.  Ack.  (Cue screeching brake sounds and audible gasps.)

Yes, you heard me right.  Blech.  Those flattened out, greasy little blobs look like something you might find lying about in a cow pasture.  A colossal waste of raw cookie dough (salmonella, be damned!!!!).  They taste unfinished, somehow, and greasy.  I prefer my chocolate chip cookies to be light, fluffy, and soft.

This top secret recipe has been shared before, but only a few times.  Invariably, everyone with whom I have shared the recipe accuses me of leaving out an ingredient or two, or of not giving good directions.  What is eventually revealed, however, is that the world-class cookie-baker-wannabe has changed up the recipe in an effort to save time, labor, or calories.  DON’T DO IT.  Also, get a meat fork to stab those family members who will invariably be hovering about the kitchen waiting for you to turn your back so they can steal the raw dough from your bowl.  Or stealthily obscond with warm-from-the-oven-cookies until the batch you promised for the office potluck numbers in single digits.

So, here we go.  For those cookie purists who insist on using butter, messing up 3 or 4 bowls in the process of making cookies, and those who insist on making substitutions – if you try this recipe and insist on doing it your way – don’t yell at me.

K8EDID’S TOP SECRET – WORLD FAMOUS SOFT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.  Bring ingredients to room temperature.

1 cup margarine (I can hear you cookie “must use butter” purists groaning – Stop it!!)

2/3 cup packed light brown sugar

2/3 cup granualated sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

3 large eggs

2 Tbsp water

3 3/4  cups flour

12 oz semi sweet chocolate pieces

Beat room temperature margarine with a mixer until pale and fluffy.  Add brown sugar and beat thoroughly.  Add granualted sugar and beat thoroughly.  (There is a lot of “beat thoroughly” in this recipe – it is important to make the cookies light and fluffy.  The dough will look more like a cake batter at first – just work with me, okay?) 

Add vanilla, baking powder, baking soda, water, and salt.  Guess what — beat thoroughly.  Add eggs, one at a time, beating thoroughly after each egg.  Add flour, one cup at a time. Beat with mixer (Yep, thoroughly) after each addition.  If you do not have a heavy duty mixer you may want to switch to mixing with a large wooden spoon after the second cup of flour is added – I have burned up more than one hand mixer with this recipe.  The dough will be very stiff.  Stir in chocolate chips.

Form cookies by rolling heaping tablespoonfuls of dough into a ball.  Place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Flatten slightly with your hand.  Bake in 350 degree oven for  12-13 minutes.  Cookies should be pale and fluffy, and when touched will leave a slight indentation.  Cool on cookie sheet for 1-2 minutes then cool on rack or clean dish towel.   Makes 24 – 28 good sized cookies, depending on how many vultures swiped your dough when you were bent over taking the cookies out of the oven. 

If you bake the cookies until they are browned, they will be dry and hard and even your dog will not eat them.  Even dunking them in coffee won’t save them.  Go ahead and throw them out or take them to work – someone there will eat them – but don’t admit to making them, you have a reputation to uphold, after all.

Yummy. Just plain yummy.

 Preferred by Armadillos everywhere:

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39 Comments

Filed under humor, K8e's Kitchen, Uncategorized

39 responses to “K8edid’s Top Secret World Famous Soft Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

  1. Thanks for the diet aid, K8. I started my diet Monday. Now it’s off to Safeway to buy stuff for these cookies. My weight problem now rests on your head. 🙂

  2. If I had a last meal, it would ALWAYS be Warm Chocolate Chip Cookies!

    With ice cold milk….

    I shall try these. Thank yooooou! Xxx WOW.

  3. An armadillo with good taste…….yum 🙂

    • Yum is right – at least Andy didn’t swipe any of the raw dough…my family has always been awful about sneaking a spoonful (serving spoon that is).

  4. I don’t do baking. But the homemade ice cream sandwich sound VERY appealing.

  5. So hard even the dog won`t eat them? Hmmmm, not so sure about that bit 🙂

  6. Pingback: Your Questions About Top Secrets Recipes | eConsumer Product Reviews

  7. Ok, first of all, I also hate those pre-made cookies. I make them for my kids (because I’m lazy) and I’ll bite into one thinking, THIS time it’ll taste good. But nope. Still a hard hockey puck of blech.

    Second, when are you publishing your cookbook?
    Third, when are you coming over here to bake me something? I am a horrible cook.

    • You know how some men dream of traveling to visit all the baseball stadiums? Meet the players, etc. etc. I have a dream as well, a road trip that takes me to visit all my favorite bloggers. Your house, definitely, is on that itenerary. Unfortunately, I must still work for a living until I a) win that lottery or b) publish my snarky cookbook.

      I have plans in the works for a writing contest and one of the prizes will be a batch of these beauties shipped overnight to the winner. Stay tuned…

  8. Those look yummy, Monica. I love chocolate chip cookies, and my partner loves them even more than I do. We will try this mgaic recipe.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

  9. No wonder Andy was sniffing out the Collin Street Bakery and Russell Stover confections! Lucky guy to have stayed with you who kept the house smelling of cookies. Alas! I’m bad, I haven’t baked a thing while he is here and he leaves for NZ tomorrow. My day ends at 9:30 tonight and it won’t happen today either. But we did serve up Mexican food and bar-be-cue which being the well behaved little ‘dillo he is, he never complained about. I will definitely bookmark this recipe. Thanks, Kate.

  10. That’s the same recipe I have and it works everytime–with Margarine, never butter! My only advice to add is always have the margarine at room temperature and if it melts trying to soften in the microwave, they will turn out wrong–too melty if that is a term. Took me years to learn not to use melted margarine (or butter). Enjoy. I baked these for a my gift to my hubby on our wedding. He loves such things.

    • Yes, I mentioned room temperature twice, but I am sure there will be some who think (HA) they know more than me….they will whine when their cookies are truly awful and I will smile knowingly. That’s just how I roll.

  11. I was seriously riveted here. I’ve been baking cookies since I could say “cookie” (my first word).

    I would love to try this recipe. But. But. But… BUT!!! Margarine really does scare me. Sort of like how Donald Trump’s hair scares me.

    I’d be seriously in, though, for that contest you mentioned to Darla! 😉

    • Jules, I am so sorry about your margarine phobia. Butter simply does not work in this recipe, I don’t know why.

      I have used margarine for years and you can clearly see that there is nothing wrong with me…right? I mean, you can see that, can’t you?

  12. Katy, I’m shocked…nay, chagrined, to hear you dissing the chocolate chip cookies that result from the recipe on the back of the yellow bag. Those are my faves. Now the world has tilted on its axis and I know not which way to turn. (curling up in fetal ball. My only hope is that someone sends emergency cookies, stat!)

    • I am sending a batch with my husband when he meets his college buddies Friday for a wild weekend of male bonding and basketball (they were a special request – the cookies, not the college buddies). God, I am babbling. People love my cookies, but most do not want to really do all that “mix thoroughly” and there really is a narrow window of “doneness” too little and they are gooey, too much and they are rock-hard and suitable only for co-workers you dislike.

      So while I would love to help you out, I must attend to my husband’s needs first (or else he’ll never get out of my hair). Your name has been added to the list, you can expect delivery sometime in 2018.

  13. Sniff! MMMM! I can almost smell them from here! 🙂

  14. Mmmmm…I love soft cookies! I never bake my cookies all the way because they taste so much better.

  15. I prefer soft, fluffy cookies, as well. Although I have been known to eat the others, I always remind people mine are superior in many ways. Needless to say, I am invited to very few cookie exchanges…

    I am searching my house for my favorite soft sugar cookies recipe that I seem to have misplaced in our last move.

  16. Pingback: Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe – Great Bonding Time with Your Kids

  17. Great post. Some people say chocolate is better then anything. We have to agree 100%.

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  19. Pingback: Your Questions About Top Secrets Recipes | eConsumer Product Reviews

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