Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

GIVE UP THE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS AND NOBODY GETS HURT

A packet of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

A packet of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A week of dieting Left me hungry and mean.
So I gathered some quarters for the vending machine.
Down the hall I slipped with nary a sound
To that mechanical beast where the goodies are found.

Standing shyly before its shiny glass front
There was no doubt about which treat I would want.
There in the fifth row, E6!! barely hanging on
Was that carb-loaded concoction of which I am fond.

My mouth was watering just at the thought
Of the creamy deliciousness that soon would be bought.
The chocolate! the peanut butter! smooth not chunky.
My hands were shaking like some kind of junkie.

My quarters clunked in, some gears were a-grinding
The metal corkscrew then started unwinding.
The orange package moved nearer the place it would drop.
But I stared in horror as it ground to a stop.

It dangled there, precariously, relentlessly mocking
My anger was growing, my language was shocking.
I gave the machine a nudge with my right shoulder,
Then shoved with both hands, my language grew bolder.

“Curse you”, I shouted, eyeing the hostage confection
“Those should be mine – it’s my chosen selection!”
“Those are my peanut butter cups – the snack of my dreams”
“I want them now” I cried between screams.

I knelt on the floor near that mechanical thief –
Trying to claim what was mine, put a stop to my grief.
People were passing, glancing disapprovingly downward
At the pathetic woman and the coarse language they heard!

“Give them to me – I bought them.  They’re mine”
I reached up higher, twisting my spine.
Just out of my reach, the object of my affection.
“I can’t reach you” I cried out in total dejection.

Stuck in the machine with my arm in it’s grasp.
My voice was fading, my breath but a gasp.
“I want them  – I need them – before my brain seizes.
“Give them to me”, I sobbed  “I want my Reese’s”.

My students approached me, there down on the floor
With my arm jammed up the little swinging door.
“Need help?” they asked while derisively smirking.
“No thanks,” I sniffed.  “This machine just isn’t working”.

“All I wanted was a darned peanut butter cup”
I whimpered, then groaned, and managed to get up.
Massaged my bruised arm, brushed off my slacks.
Then gave the machine a couple of good whacks.

“Here, let us help you” two of the larger males offered.
I couldn’t refuse the help that they proffered.
They tilted the machine, shook it frontward and back
But the glass-fronted behemoth wouldn’t give up the snack.

Security officers were making their rounds
And decided to investigate the unusual sounds.
When they saw my students and I were on a mission
They joined in the fight – of their own volition.

There was this crowd, pounding, shaking and cursing.
Hardly proper behavior in a college of nursing.
All of us bent to the one task before us.
“Give up the Reese’s” became our loud chorus.

The dean then walked up, quarters in hand
We stepped aside as the selections she scanned.
“Doesn’t work” we all warned, but she paid us no heed.
She dropped in her quarters at lightning speed.

E6 she selected and the machine came alive.
Whirring and grinding, motor in overdrive.
Lights blinked then went out – a loud groan went up.
All we wanted was a damned peanut butter cup!

She pounded the glass, the lights turned back on
She elbowed the buttons, the noises were gone!
The peanut butter cups were rapidly dropping.
Till the row was empty – there was no stopping.

We thrust in our arms, pulling out handfuls of wonder
The depth of the beast we did gleefully plunder.
Stuffing our pockets we then quickly scattered
To our offices and classrooms; to the taste that mattered!

Finally back at my desk, peanut butter cups in hand
I opened that first package – the aroma was grand.
The first bite – pure heaven – deliciously creamy.
My eyes glazed over, my thoughts turned all dreamy.

Three hours later, when I should have been busy
A great sugar buzz left me reeling and dizzy
Orange wrappers covered the desk and the floor
I knew that I couldn’t eat even one more.

The rest of the day was merely a blur
My head on my desk, I barely did stir.
Phones and e-mails ignored; my office door closed.
As I suffered a massive peanut butter cup overdose.

**************************************************************

***TODAY’S SPECIAL***

On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic, Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.

Why this topic? Why now?

Why not?

Click on these “Reese’s Pieces” links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.

Bon Appetite!

The Big Sheep Blog

Childhood Relived

Go Guilty Pleasures

Fifty Four and A Half

Fix It Or Deal

Play 101

k8edid

Lenore’s Thoughts Exactly

Life In The Boomer Lane

Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings

Refrigerator Magnate

Running From Hell With El

She’s A Maineiac

The Byronic Man

The Good Greatsby

The Monster In Your Closet

The Ramblings

Thoughts Appear’s Blog

Unlikely Explanations

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59 Comments

Filed under humor, Poems, Poetry and Poem-etry, Uncategorized

59 responses to “Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

  1. A most excellent poem! Everyone can relate to wrestling with a vending machine.

  2. Thank you for explaining. I thought I was losing my mind, or that I had not been let into a secret club. (Well, in a way that part is true, but at least I get it now). This poem is delightful, and reminds me a little of one of my favorite Shel Silverstein poems, Peanut Butter Sandwich.

    • I’ll have to investigate that one – I love writing silly poems, keeps me from having to deal with the madness all around me. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. A more inspirational subject matter there never was!!! I love a happy ending. (What? A PB cup overdose isn’t a happy ending?)

    Another awesome poem!! I really loved the verse that ended, “Then shoved with both hands, my language grew bolder.”

  4. I hope you present this poem to the poetry reader group, K8. This is absolutely fantastic. One of my favorite lines is, “The chocolate! the peanut butter! smooth not chunky.” The smooth not chunky cracks me up.
    Dang this is excellent! Well done!!

  5. You know what I failed to account for this morning? How very much reading some of these posts might make me crave some Reese’s love this morning. After reading this, I’m giggling . . . and salivating. Why, oh why, did I not buy some to enjoy your poem (especially the bit about shocking language, hee) in most appropriate fashion?

    • I know, Deb, right? Why am I sitting here with coffee and no chocolaty -peanutty goodness?

      I think Shakespear is fine and all, but for real soul-stirring poetry, he can’t touch Katy. Wiping tear (of joy!) away.

  6. This was the best poem I have ever read in my entire life.

  7. Wonderful — who hasn’t founght with those machines.

    World domination. Yup it’s happening!

  8. Hahaha…
    *Code E6. We’ve got ANOTHER Code E6. Please respond.*
    🙂

  9. Wonderful! And I have so been here, “The chocolate! the peanut butter! smooth not chunky. My hands were shaking like some kind of junkie.” I’m so glad this poem ended well for all involved. If not the poor vending machine. 🙂

  10. bigsheepcommunications

    A classic. Loved it!

  11. Brilliant poem, Kate! Now if Andy were there you, little guy that he is, you might have been able to set him loose in that machine and squirrel…er…diller his way through and fetch all to fill ya. So glad for the happy ending…I do hope they don’t kill ya.

  12. Pingback: Crashing the Party: I Want My Peanut Butter Cups! « Woman Wielding Words

  13. Brava! Bravo! Manificoooo!

    I so loved this. Thanks for the smile 🙂

  14. Amy

    We’ve all been there, haven’t we? So glad this had a happy ending. Awesome poem!!

  15. That was like pure poetry. Oh wait, that was poetry. Actual poetry. Man, you don’t get too much of that nowadays. Well done, K8.

  16. I laughed!
    I cried!
    I salivated!
    I subscribed!

  17. An epic poem – drama, tragedy, irony, deus ex machina, a moral lesson.

  18. I’m telling you, you’re on fire, Woman!

  19. Never heard of PBCs until today – and heard of them several times already! But I do know the frustrations of those dam..d machines. Great poem Katy. Loved it.

    • Oh, my heavens. I wish I’d known that, we could have had Georgette send some in the box with Andy. I guess those machines have a reputation world-wide, no?

  20. Tar-Buns

    I love your poem – very clever, made me laugh! I’m enjoying the 19 versions of RPBC very much, although I was startled to see emails of new posts with the same title. Freaked me out at first.
    Well done!

  21. This was fantastic! Holy cow are you ever a pro — to make things rhyme, fit into iambic pentameter AND be amusing and witty! Amazing.

    • Usually, my propensity to dabble in crazy rhyming goofiness is a procrastination measure to keep me from having to deal with serious or emotional issues. But I’ll roll with it. Thanks for the kind words.

  22. E6!!! You “Was robbed” as it were sister!! And wow, how many times has that happened to all of us? I wish I could write a poem like this; alas, my efforts to rhyme result in doggerel. This, however, was well-done!

  23. Applause, applause! I love your tribute to my favorite candy! Delicious through and through!

  24. Great poem. “Give them to me – I bought them. They’re mine” sounds so much better in a poem then when I say it in real life.

  25. Perfect peanutbutter cup poem! Love your poetic take on the topid d’ jour.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

  26. Always a pleasure to visit here…..and today was deliciously fun 🙂

  27. Brava! Kate this is money -like Pooh and his honey. continue…

  28. Pingback: There’s Good News…..And There’s Bad News… | k8edid

  29. Pingback: FTIAT: A Poem, if You Please – I am Thankful for These « The Monster in Your Closet

  30. Pingback: My pleasure « Lenore's Thoughts Exactly

  31. Pingback: There is Good News…and There is Bad News (Part 2) | k8edid

  32. Bravo! I love the poem. I LIVED the poem.

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