My Mothers’ Day Makeover

No, not that kind of makeover – I don’t need one as I have come to accept myself as I am.  My Mothers’ Day had a makeover.

See, my mom died over 30 years ago when I was a newlywed.  What should have been a joyous time in my life was overshadowed by deep depression, overwhelming sadness and feelings of loss.  Each year thereafter, from Mothers’ Day until around the middle of June (Mom died on June 8), I allowed myself to wallow in those deep and dark feelings.  This year promised to be more of the same – I am far from home, alone, and separated from my family.

I talked with two women this week who, without even knowing it, turned my way of thinking around.  One had been given away by her heroin junkie mother as an infant.  Actually, traded for money for a fix.  Fortunately for this young woman, her mother’s sister gave the junkie money in exchange for the baby and all parental rights.   Then proceded to raise the little girl as her own, providing her with a safe home, love and support.

The other woman had lost her only child in a horrific pedestrian – vs- car accident.  Four-year olds rarely win that battle.  This mother had left the youngster in the care of a babysitter who took the child for a walk.  A car ran a red light and plowed into a group of pedestrians crossing an intersection – the child was severely injured and ended up on life support, declared brain dead.  This young mother had to make the decision to discontinue mechanical life support and the little guy passed quickly and quietly in her arms.  As often happens, the parents’ marriage did not survive the loss of their child.  The woman never remarried, and never had another child.

So, THIS grown woman who had her own mother for 25 years and whose children are alive, reasonably happy and healthy, and who has been provided with glorious grandchildren – decided to make over her Mothers’ Day thinking.  Instead of wallowing, this is what I did instead:

I enjoyed coffee made with my Mothers’ Day gift to myself:

My new Keurig

I ate chocolate covered strawberries for breakfast:

Chocolate covered strawberries – A gift from my younger son and his family. Delicious.

I used these things:

Ingredients for liquid fun

To make this:

Sangria!!!

I took this girl to the ice cream shop:

Shelby is known to the ice cream shop staff – she is one of the best customers.

I used the day to do things I truly enjoy – sewing, reading, and talking with my children and grandchilden.  I watched a favorite movie (Legends of the Fall), puttered around, and spent the day reflecting on my many blessings – which include a mother who loved me for her short time on earth, and children and grandchildren who are happy, healthy and very much alive.  So even though my house was empty (except for the 4-legged child), my heart was full, and it was the best Mothers’ Day of all.

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35 Comments

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35 responses to “My Mothers’ Day Makeover

  1. Perfect day for a woman who is very deserving of it.

    I was just saying to Jim last night about how blessed I am to have my family right now. I have two kids who are both healthy and happy. We have each other. We all endure our heartbreaks and losses in life, but we can learn to be more at peace when we are grateful for those people we still have in our lives. Thanks for this post, Katy.

  2. Way to treat yourself right! Amazing how our perspectives can shift…

    Legends of the Fall? Oh yes, Brad Pitt with those flowing locks would make my day, too. Used to have that on VHS…no longer have a VCR…now THAT is tragic…:)

    • I know – the scenery is so beautiful (Brad, included) in that movie. You simply must upgrade to DVD (or whatever it is the kids are using these days)

  3. An old relative of mine was widowed young, and lived alone a long time. When I was in my late twenties and still single (which I was until I was 40), she told be the secret to being alone is to treat yourself like company every day. Single or not, we should all do that. I’m glad you had the opportunity.

    • That is great advice. So many times we save the “good stuff” when we should be indulging in the right ways, for the right reasons…because we are worth it.

  4. Glad you found a way to change your day around. Growing up I never had a very close relationship with my mother, was daddys girl but sadly he died when I was in high school. Over the years my mother and I had a distant, tentative relationship until I married my second husband. He encouraged me to re-establish a relationship with her (one of the few good things this ex did for me) and slowly I did. When I got blindsided after 38 years of marriage she was my biggest supporter, fan and confidant. Ironic that he got us back together and then years later cemented that relationship by leaving me.

  5. Well done, it’s not easy to find a way to honor someone so beloved when you miss them deeply ! Also, thank you for the inspiration….

  6. Thank you for this post. I struggled a bit yesterday, as I always do, with the blitz of happy posts and thoughts and commercials about Mother’s Day. My childhood was not such a good one . . . but then I looked around me. I saw three blue-eyed, sweet children and they all look like me. And I saw my husband trimming the bushes. I smiled and tried to focus on the love I saw around me.

    Good for you for bringing yourself out of it by taking care of you yesterday. I hope it gets easier over the years.

    • I’ve always felt bad for my boys because no matter what they said, did or gave me, I was always still sad. I am glad you found reason for joy on your Mothers’ Day.

  7. What a great reinvention of what could have been a poor-me-fest. Now pour me a glass of that concoction and hand me a double peanut-butter, chocolate cone!

    • It seems some self-indulgent creature happily consumed the entire pitcher of yumminess – and the canine loves peanut butter ice cream so eat quickly (never mind all that drool on your red heels…)

      I promise to make a multitude of pitchers of sangria when we have our grown-up pajama party…

  8. Good for you. I mourned my father’s death for most of my life. Now I celebrate his life (and mine). Looks like you learned this lesson much quicker than I did.

    • Only took me 32 years…I miss her deeply, sometimes almost frantically, but I feel much lighter celebrating her life (and the one she gave to me) instead of mourning her loss.

  9. Lovely, just lovely 🙂

  10. At first I was going to be mad at you for totally depressing me (says the chick who wrote the half-bitchy post about women on Mother’s Day) but boy, did you turn it around. I love that you did that for yourself. (And I love that the sangria pitcher appears to have two eyes and a lime-rind smile.)

    • Oh, I loved your half-bitchy post and if I hadn’t been half-tipsy (okay, okay, half-drunk) I would have commented. We women need to stop being so danged critical of ourselves and each other, for cripe’s sake. And love ourselves and support one another in whatever choices and/or circumstances occur.

      That sangria pitcher was my mother-in-law’s, so seemed appropriate to use it on Mothers’ Day for a little pampering…it does look like a lime smile doesn’t it?

  11. I’ve heard it said that a mother is only as happy as her saddest child. Something tells me, your Mom had a wonderful Mother’s Day, knowing you found a little peace, and you let yourself enjoy it.
    May you continue to find more smiles and encouragements, Katy. Your Mom is pleased. (And the Sangria looked YUMMY!)

  12. Sounds like a wonderful Mother’s Day, Katie. Love that you treated your dog to ice cream. My two canine children would love that.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    • What is even better is that I bought Shelby a ramp to get in and out of the vehicle (she’s having hip problems and can no longer jump up for the ride). I couldn’t get the video to embed…so it was just us two old dogs without our pups…hanging out at the ice cream store.

  13. a beautiful mother’s day Kate. your mom loved it too. continue…

  14. Very nice post. An excellent balance of emotion and wit, with just enough of a dog / booze references.

    • Thanks, 1Pt. Everything is enhanced with a little dog/booze reference.

      • Tru dat. Your post and a few Mothers’ Day pieces were really quite enjoyable. I’m thinking I should start working on my Mothers’ Day post for next year now. My Mom’s one of a kind – and reads my blog religiously, so I can’t screw up or exaggerate like I usually do.

  15. Isn’t it wonderful to celebrate a life? Like yours, my Mom left life far too early and I don’t think there is a day I don’t think of her and wonder, WWMD (What Would Mom Do)? I cherish things that remind me of her (lilacs, yellow roses, coffee, and curly hair, among others). I think of how much she’d have enjoyed growing older with the grandkids and then I realize she’s well acquainted with all of them from her perch on a cloud bank. Love never dies. Celebrate your life and be happy for hers. We made it, Kate, and they’re happy we did.

  16. So glad you decided to have your very own Mother’s Day Katie. And that dog of yours looks as if he is enjoying celebrating with you.
    We don’t really celebrate MD in our family. I received texts but that was all. But hey aren’t we lucky that we do have children and that every day can be Mother’s Day.

  17. Ooo0000o,
    FABuuuuuulous.
    Don’t you just love your coffee-maker?!
    & that chocolate looks DElish….

    HAPPY MOTHER”S Day. xxx

  18. Oh, my gosh, those strawberries look amazing!
    It is amazing when you see life through another person’s eyes. Sort of like trading your regular spot at the table and seeing the world from that whole new perspective. I am so happy for you that you were able to have a day full of your favorite things…..sounds like you are a lucky woman.

  19. At times, we need to hear about the sorrow of others in order to appreciate the many blessings we do have.
    I love you coffee maker. I have been thinking of getting one.
    Of course, you day was almost a copy of my Mother’s Day. I don’t have a mother or mother-in-law any more nor children or grandchildren to visit so I pretty much did what you did except I added a swim in the pool to go with my libation and my car fur child is 22 so he slept alot.
    Belated Happy Mother’s Day …
    Izzy
    P.S. Did you hear about the gravatar statue image you have????
    If not, let me know.

  20. I’m so glad you were able to turn Mother’s Day into the fun, pampered event it should be! You did me proud with your idea of fun/pampering, too! How awesome is the Keurig?!

  21. I am glad you had a good Mother’s Day and that you were able to do some of the things you love. 🙂

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