1. We are big, old and clunky.
Sure, there are a lot of much smaller, sleeker models out there. We are comfortable with our size, despite all forms of media insisting on displaying only the tiniest, thinnest (probably air-brushed) models. Of course, we can lie about the year we were manufactured but we will both wear out, become obsolete or experience the dreaded “fatal error” at some point.
2. We are slowing down.
Neither of us is a speedy as we once were. Every function seems to take a wee bit longer, from booting up in the morning to shutting down at night. Once in a while, we both get hung up in the middle of a transaction and just shut down or lose it altogether. Our ability to fluidly switch between tasks, or manage multiple tasks simultaneously, seems to have become a bit sluggish. Deal with it.
3. Neither of us functions well without the other.
One of us fits on top of the lap desk; the other one fits nicely below it. We are a team. The one on top of the lap desk requires assistance from the one beneath the lap desk for all functions. The one situated below the lap desk has come to depend on the upper one for all knowledge, communication, and entertainment.
4. We have stored a lot of snapshots, beautiful memories, fantastic music and a few videos on our respective hard drives.
The laptop’s memories are backed up onto sky drives, thumb drives, virtual drives and memory sticks. My memories are backed up by passing on to the young whippersnappers who follow in my footsteps, stored in albums and on CDs. Oh, and on lots and lots of Post-it-Notes.
5. Garbage in = garbage out.
My laptop can’t create anything fabulous without good input. I can’t function on a steady diet of crap (although, I have tried for years). And we both seem to have accumulated a few crumbs in hiding places.
6. We are better than nothing (and some of the alternatives).
Say…. a Smith Corona, a set of encyclopedias and microwaved frozen dinners.
7. We can be a lot of trouble.
The laptop requires a steady stream of electrical current, wi-fi signal, and patience. I require a steady stream of coffee, occasional alcoholic beverages, and huge amounts of patience. The laptop requires routine maintenance, occasional technical support, and frequent rebooting. I require routine maintenance (although not as much as some much newer, sleeker, models). I seek occasional technical support from my physician, dentist and optometrist. The laptop requires the occasional replacement of non-working parts. I require the occasional relocation of malfunctioning parts. I also need frequent rebooting. Repairs can be expensive for either – loaners are usually not available…
8. Cookies are involved.
I bring them with me, my laptop leaves them wherever it goes.
9. Neither of us recognizes my recorded voice.
Seriously. It is somewhere between Johnny Cash and Tiny Tim. Dragon must be too busy laughing to actually recognize it.
10. My husband doesn’t know what is going on with either of us unless he pushes the right buttons.
For real. He also has to know when to push them, what order to push them in, and which ones to push simultaneously while holding his breath and offering a silent prayer. Fortunately for me, he rarely gives me the 3-finger salute (or even the 1-finger one, for that matter – he’s a gentleman).