Ten Ways My Laptop and I Are Alike


1.   We are big, old and clunky.

Sure, there are a lot of much smaller, sleeker models out there.  We are comfortable with our size, despite all forms of media insisting on displaying only the tiniest, thinnest (probably air-brushed) models.   Of course, we can lie about the year we were manufactured but we will both wear out, become obsolete or experience the dreaded “fatal error” at some point.

Propositional logic 命题逻辑 حساب القضايا साध्यात्...

Propositional logic (Photo credit: Cuito Cuanavale)

2.  We are slowing down.

Neither of us is a speedy as we once were.  Every function seems to take a wee bit longer, from booting up in the morning to shutting down at night.  Once in a while, we both get hung up in the middle of a transaction and just shut down or lose it altogether.  Our ability to fluidly switch between tasks, or manage multiple tasks simultaneously, seems to have become a bit sluggish.  Deal with it.


TEAMWORK WINS – NARA – 515550 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3.  Neither of us functions well without the other.

One of us fits on top of the lap desk; the other one fits nicely below it.  We are a team.  The one on top of the lap desk requires assistance from the one beneath the lap desk for all functions.  The one situated below the lap desk has come to depend on the upper one for all knowledge, communication, and entertainment.

Southwest Florida sunrise

Photo credit: k8edid

 4.  We have stored a lot of snapshots, beautiful memories, fantastic music and a few videos on our respective hard drives.

The laptop’s memories are backed up onto sky drives, thumb drives, virtual drives and memory sticks.  My memories are backed up by passing on to the young whippersnappers who follow in my footsteps, stored in albums and on CDs.  Oh, and on lots and lots of Post-it-Notes.

Garbage (song)

5.  Garbage in = garbage out.

My laptop can’t create anything fabulous without good input.  I can’t function on a steady diet of crap (although, I have tried for years).  And we both seem to have accumulated a few crumbs in hiding places.

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine,...

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine, shot at Western Development Museum, Saskatoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6.  We are better than nothing (and some of the alternatives).

Say…. a Smith Corona, a set of encyclopedias and microwaved frozen dinners.

Technical Support Explained

Technical Support Explained (Photo credit: Brett Jordan)

7.  We can be a lot of trouble.

The laptop requires a steady stream of electrical current, wi-fi signal, and patience.  I require a steady stream of coffee, occasional alcoholic beverages, and huge amounts of patience.  The laptop requires routine maintenance, occasional technical support, and frequent rebooting.  I require routine maintenance (although not as much as some much newer, sleeker, models).  I seek occasional technical support from my physician, dentist and optometrist. The laptop requires the occasional replacement of non-working parts.  I require the occasional relocation of malfunctioning parts.  I also need frequent rebooting.  Repairs can be expensive for either – loaners are usually not available…

Yummy. Just plain yummy.  Photo credit:  k8edid

8.  Cookies are involved.

I bring them with me, my laptop leaves them wherever it goes.

Publicity photo from the 100th episode of the ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9.  Neither of us recognizes my recorded voice.

Seriously.  It is somewhere between Johnny Cash and Tiny Tim.  Dragon must be too busy laughing to actually recognize it.

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic)

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10.  My husband doesn’t know what is going on with either of us unless he pushes the right buttons.

For real.  He also has to know when to push them, what order to push them in, and which ones to push simultaneously while holding his breath and offering a silent prayer.  Fortunately for me, he rarely gives me the 3-finger salute (or even the 1-finger one, for that matter – he’s a gentleman).


Filed under General Mumblings, humor

41 responses to “Ten Ways My Laptop and I Are Alike

  1. Ha! Ha! Very well done, and so right on! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Ooh, so good. And ironic. Now Husband just informed me he finally figured out why his laptop kept shutting down. It’s because, now that it’s old, it doesn’t want to perform in this beastly heat and humidity. Uh huh.

  3. I use a desktop most of the time at home (my office is simply more comfortable). My poor laptop though is a battle weary soldier, love it and have a difficult time thinking it will die some day. I actually have a new one, just haven’t really put it into service yet (how sad is that).

    Great job!

  4. Very funny. My laptop and and I have cookies in common, as well, I’m afraid.

  5. Yes, this is wonderfully accurate. And rather sadly correct as well! My (recently increasing) memory lapses are perhaps related to the “dumping” of information, somewhat similar to the dumping of information which seems to occur with my computer. It really does explain a lot. Great post!

  6. Awesome post! Kudos! Well done! 🙂

  7. 8. Cookies are involved.

    I knew you were my kind of gal. Xx

  8. Running from Hell with El

    This post made me grin and then, darn it, it also made me a little lumpy in the throat region. The thing about the cookies got me laughing outright. And the crumbs everywhere-giggle. But the part about how we’re slowing down–well, sigh. As a runner, and an achy one with old joints, I read that line and sighed. Lovely post. Really lovely–very creative and it packed a surprising emotional punch.

    • You know – I did start out tongue in cheek and then it hit me – the poignant part about aging, slowing down, being replaced by newer, sleeker, faster models. I wondered if anyone else was going to “feel” that, as well.

  9. Now I really, really want to hear your voice. Will you do a vlog in the future??

    these were all spot on. Number 10 especially.

  10. This was so true of me and my trusty old laptop until about a month ago when it died. Fortunately, unlike you and me, laptops can be easily replaced.

  11. I’m going to be trying to do a Cash/Tim voice all day now. That and music mash-ups.

    “I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him tiptoe through the tulips…”

  12. I hear ya sistah. And I concur! Just keep repeating number 8.

  13. Tiny Tim, that’s a long time ago and i remember him well, i don’t think your taking about the singer, are you.
    Its great the way your liking yourself to a pc.
    Laptop i would not have, a trusty pc is best.

    Do you ever defragment your laptop, do you run anti-malware and anti-spyware or a programme to clear rubbish.

    I can give you them.

  14. 11. Working together, you’re both capable of producing some pretty dang funny shiz. So true on the cookies – the more we load on, the slower we both get!

  15. This is awesome! You sound like two peas in a pod… My laptop is on it’s last leg and I’m kind of sad to say goodbye.

  16. I’m impressed that you are so in tune with your laptop. Your cookies are way better though. Way better.

    The picture of the sunrise is lovely!

  17. How is it that so much ridiculous stuff gets Freshly Pressed, but this does not? Very smart parallels k8e! I was tickled from 1 – 10!

  18. Ha! Fabulous. And again you taunt us with those cookies… 😉 Right now my lap top and I are alike in that my bank savings account page refuses to load, and the amount of money in my wallet is as empty as the page.

  19. Cripes, this is clever. I don’t even have anything else to say.

  20. I have just started using a laptop, was using a PC for most of my work. But my hubby decided he needed a new laptop, so I got his old one & boy do the comparisons ever fit! I’m as creaky & old as this laptop I’m now using. Great, great post & very creative!

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