Audio Book Review – “Off Season”

I give this audiobook “2 Chopsticks”.

Take one chopstick and puncture your right eardrum.

Take the other chopstick and puncture your left eardrum.

Then thank me because you can’t hear this audio book.

I usually will listen to just about any kind of crappy book on my hideous commute.  It keeps me from screaming at the old people who insist on pulling out in front of me (even though there is no one behind me for miles), peering over the steering wheel (clutched in a death grip) driving 30 mph under the speed limit with their left turn signal on while straddling the lane divider line.  Yeah, it’s a blast.

This book was hideous – at least the part I listened to.  Which was about 3 CD’s longer than I should have listened.  No one – I repeat NO ONE – talks like the stilted dialogue written in this book – much less the childhood conversations that made up the excruciating part I endured.

I could not return this one to the library fast enough.  And they’re lucky I cleaned the vomit off the case.

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23 Comments

Filed under General Mumblings

23 responses to “Audio Book Review – “Off Season”

  1. Ahhhh, when I saw ANNE, I had assumed it would be Anne Lamott!

    Vomit? OMGggg. What a waste of time.

  2. I’m so happy I read this review, Katy. I’d prefer to not puncture my ears with chopsticks. I’ll just take your word for it.

    • I am usually a little kinder – after all, a novel is someone’s work of art. But this one was a real stinker…When I write dialogue, I always ask myself “is this how so-and-so would speak?” If the answer is no, then I start hacking and editing.

      Or maybe I am just hanging around with the wrong people.

      Nah…..that can’t be it.

      • I love me some good dialogue. You have to almost read things out loud to get the right rhythm down. Then edit, you’re right. Dialogue is my fave thing to write.

        • I kind of wish I hadn’t returned the audiobook so quickly because then I could have included some examples of the wretchedness. Except then I would have had to make sure not to puke on the keyboard.

  3. Cool. One book I can leave off my ever increasing “to read” list. Thank you.

  4. Please put this on Amazon. So funny. And yet so sad for the author. Also, please never listen to my book — if I ever have one. 🙂

  5. Thanks for the advice, though the absence of cleavage or a handgun on the cover would have likely kept it off my reading/listening list anyway. I’ve read some hideous dialogue written by some massively successful authors and wondered how they ever got published.

    Like most audio books, I’m sure it could have been improved with a better actor reading it. For example, 50 Shades of Gray read by Gilbert Gottfried was inifinitely better than when Pee Wee Herman read the same exerpt.

    • Hey, I was just over at your blog!! You’v fallen off my reader, again. I have to listen to Gilbert read 50 Shades. I am usually a little kinder with my reviews, as stated earlier. A lot of work goes into a novel, and when compared to my body of work (?) anyone who is published deserves some recognition. I am sure that particular author may think my writing deserves a scathing review, as well.

  6. Thanks for the heads’ up. Or the in the ears review 🙂

    • HaHa. Sometimes dialogue is badly written, sometimes the dialect is badly done (this was a southern reader trying to do a Maine accent) and sometimes I am just bitchy! The previous audio book I had listened to (painfully, all the way to the end) was equally horrible but having listened to it to the conclusion, I was embarrased to write that I hated it yet finished it. I am beginning t think I might have to find another pastime for my commute as I have listened to audiobooks for over 10 years and may have heard all the good ones. Or maybe I should just find a job closer to home.

  7. What a great review. I love the chopsticks rating.

  8. So I take it that the voice on the tape was like fingernails on a chalkboard and the book sucked as well. There are a lot of 2 chopstick books out there!

  9. Don’t hold back, Katy. Tell us what you REALLY think about this.

  10. Your chopstick rating is quite effective. Thanks! I sure won’t forget it! 🙂

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