50,000 Words!!! Yay!!! Oh, wait….


In my bloggy absence over the past couple of months, between recuperating from my near-death experience and changing jobs, I have cranked out about 50,000 words. Oh, no – not a novel or anything like that. Not an anthology of beautiful short stories nor a load of lyric loveliness.

No, by my rough estimate this morning – I have put together 50,000 words. Playing Scrabble on-line. And not that shabby imitation “Words with Friends” crap. Real(?) by-God virtual Scrabble.

50,000 words – One stinkin’ word at a time. I’m in deep, kids. Really deep.

In real life (you remember real life, don’t you?) very few people want to play Scrabble with me. I am insufferable. I must win, I play defensively, and know a lot of obscure words. Imagine my pure joy when I discovered the Scrabble app for my Android tablet. An endless supply of unwitting victims. I could play anonymously, so that no one would know it was me and avoid my invitations to a letter-tile smackdown. I grinned and rubbed my hands together in evil anticipation of the word whuppin’s I was about to lay down. And lay down I did. And did. And did. And without any freakin’ Scrabble Cheat apps, thank you very much. (Yes, Player 2218 I am talking to YOU).

First thing in the morning, with the sickly glow of the tablet illuminating my puffy eyes, I checked to see whom I was currently flogging with my little virtual wooden-letter weapons. Before bed – nay, even in bed – my bloodshot eyes checked to make sure that I wasn’t missing a turn to play a carefully-crafted pure-genius move that would propel me to a 200 point lead against some poor sucker (12 points). BwaHaHaHaHaaaaaaaaaaa.

Of course, I often encountered mental midgets like Player 3233 whose best word was “turds” or Player 7825 who used both the blank tiles for the letter K to spell “dick” twice in the same game. Or Player 1999 who joined both “anus” AND “vagina” on a double word score (Brilliant!!). I have screenshots of these offerings, but WP isn’t letting me upload this morning. You’ll just have to trust me on this.

And then…and then. I saw HIM. There on the bottom of the playing board.
happy teacher

Teacher. He looked like Alex Trebek, if Alex Trebek’s face was a wooden letter tile. He knew words – rich, high score, valuable words. He smiled sweetly and offered encouragement whenever I made a brilliant play. Like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush on her male middle-school Algebra I teacher, I lived for his praise. I was on a roll! I could not get enough of my new square-jawed lover. In addition to trouncing my feeble-minded competitors (not you, Player 3345, you are da bomb!), I resumed showering and changed into clean pajamas before ever opening that app again. I might have even applied lip gloss. When I was properly groomed and primped (18 points), I had only to click on his face to see my new main squeeze (45 points).

And as was inevitable (31 points) I disappointed my new paramour (18 points) soon enough. I played the word rivet (12 points). He frowned. “Hmmmm, let me show you what you missed” he said.


He played “erective” on the board (92 points). Wait, wait a darned minute. Did he just raise his eyebrow? What the?…what?

I was crushed. Within days Teacher had disapproved of many of my word offerings – showing me missed opportunities to play the words siemens, augite, sarkier, fique, kraters, hazan, flinkite, nutant, feod, flanerie, groanful, uranitic, kuias, miaoued, poovy, scungy, braii, gju, and arctoid (88 points).

It was over between us. Fique gju in your scungy feod, Teacher. You can kuias my poovy augite. Even though he remained at the bottom of the playing board, I never again tapped his wooden face in a quest for his approval.

I estimate (you have to sign in with your real name to get real stats) that I won 98% of the games I played (Damn you, lorrencowen – I’ll beat you yet!). I also estimate that I had as many as 150 games active at one time (the app only shows the 25 most recent games played). As of this morning I am down to 8 games and as soon was the opponents either succomb (30 points) or forfeit (13 points) I am done (5 points). Seriously (13 points). I mean it (2 points).


Filed under humor, Uncategorized

46 responses to “50,000 Words!!! Yay!!! Oh, wait….

  1. Glad to see you Katy! Snarky as ever.

    • It is good to be back. I had to re-learn the text editor and for the life of me cannot upload my screen shots. I’ve been reading right along, but rarely commenting – life has been weird and wild. I hope to post at least weekly (32 points) just as soon as this Scrabble addiction is tamed.

  2. Welcome back πŸ˜‰

  3. Oh, baby! You nailed this post! And what a way to announce your presence…schwinging the Scabble schtick. I hope this return engagement is like Celine Dion in Las Vegas…neeeeverending. In a good way.

  4. “Fique gju in your scungy feod, Teacher. You can kuias my poovy augite.”

    That’s just so utterly perfect. Welcome back, Katy.

  5. Now I know where you’ve been.
    It’s a dark place.
    I had to kill it from Facebook.
    Words With Friends, too.
    Thanks for coming back to typing regular old words that don’t have numerical value down here with us non-gamers. πŸ™‚

  6. First off, I have to tell you how thrilled I was to see you in my sad, lonely wordpress reader today! Hope you’re feeling better.

    Second, this is probably the pooviest post I’ve read in awhile. I sure wish I knew what poovy meant…maybe you can teach me? I’ll have to find this app on my android tablet now.

    Third–please say you’ll write more posts now? I missed them so.

    • First off, I was just over at your place reading your Freshly Pressed curse post. How do you think I feel? Right after my Pressing, I damn near died…then couldn’t write, fell into the dark world of addiction. Had an awful affair with a Scrabble tile, and had an auto accident yesterday (fender-bender, I’m not hurt). I’m cursed, I tell you. Cursed.

      Secondly, I have no idea what any of those words mean. I beg you, do not get that app. Soon you, too, will be putting on lip gloss for that evil master. Although I think my husband is probably glad I started showering again.

      Third – I will write more posts, just for you, punkin. Just for you

      • Fender bender?! I do believe you have had enough. Your quota for shitty life occurrences has been filled.

        Speaking of Scrabble tiles, I JUST finished writing a post and mentioned the very same thing. It’s about my daughter and her love of Scrabble. She is very good, she beats me every time.

        And yes, PLEASE write more posts! And I’ll pretend it’s just for me.

  7. I love Scrabble, too. For while, I played online against a robot and a timer which elevated my game for those times I played in person.

    Glad you’re back and feeling better!

  8. I played Words With Friends with my old college roommate for a while. I was sure she was cheating, but she was an excellent cheat.

  9. paulessick

    Reblogged this on My Blog snuppy.

  10. So nice to read you, so glad you are on the mend and have found a way to reduce commute time and hopefully stress.

    Scrabble, you bring back family memories for me. My beloved step mother was the queen! She would have loved this offering of yours, she would have laughed at your words and shook her head at Teacher (she was one). I thought this was amazing and wonderful.

    • I am definitely not going to miss that commute…I heard today that the person they hired to replace me quit already, there was a disproportionate amount of stress for the $$$. I think I’m going to be a lot happier with a shorter work day, shorter commute, and a lot more autonomy.

      Your mother sounds a lot like mine, but Jeopardy was her game.

  11. Glad you are blogging again. For those of us with a tendency to get addicted, online games are best avoided. πŸ™‚

  12. 50,000 words and if I’m not mistaken you’ve just passed a blogaversary . Yes, 18 miles is soooo much better than 80. So glad to hear your voice again.

    • Yes, 2 years…and coming up on 200 posts -not bad for someone who takes months-long breaks. I have missed everyone so…I’m glad to be back at it.

  13. Soooo happy to see your smiling face, er, nursey self being kissed, in my Reader today. Are you all better? How’s the new job?

    When I saw the title, I immediately thought “Damn! Girl’s been writing the next, great American novel all this time. Why can’t I get motivated to do that instead of pissing my life away?” Then I see they’re Scrabble words instead of novel words. Not that those aren’t just as good.

    Welcome back, Katy – I’ve missed you!

    • I’ve missed you, too, Miss o’Leg. I wish I had strung together that many words consecutively. I am pretty much recovered, lungs still a little iffy – I can’t laugh without breaking into a cough, but at least I don’t sound like I’m bringing up a hairball any more. Tummy much better, some foods like meat and bread give me trouble. But overall, doing great. Right where I should be – and grateful to be alive and kicking, even if I can’t kick quite as high.

      The new job is great. I’m teaching at the Technical Center of the county school district in their nursing program. I’m done everyday at 2:30, so getting home by 3 instead of 5:30 or 6. So far I love it.

  14. Glad to have you back. The blogosphere missed you!

    Admitting you have a Scrabble addiction is the first step to recovery. πŸ™‚ I’ve been playing Words with Friends games against my mom. She beats me every time. Every. Single. Time. I’m learning that the key is in the two-letter words.

  15. Good to see you Katy. Now, as for this Scrabble, um, issue. They have 12-step programs for just about everything these days. Just be leery of any group that requires you to bring your game board with you. They are enablers. “One letter is too many; 100 letters is never enough.” You’ll know the real deal by the corny slogans…

  16. How about bringing some of that creative wording back to the blogosphere so we can read it? You have been missed!

  17. Hey there, Katy! I am writing this comment in the off-chance you log onto wordpress and see that cute little orange notification thingy light up. How the heck are you? I hope you’re fully recovered and teaching up a storm! Have a happy holiday!

    • Darla, good morning, luv. I was just over at your place reading about your adorable daughter. Actually, I am feeling a little rough this a.m. I’m in Key West, and let’s just say what happens in Key West stays in Key West (especially on the sidewalks of Key West).

      I have been struggling, health-wise and am working on a post about it…visiting Hemingway’s home today and hope to get really inspired. Look for me I am coming back!

      • oh, I’m sorry you’re having more health issues! Well, I certainly hope visiting Hemingway’s home with the 1,000 cats roaming the property has inspired you plenty. I really miss your writing!

        • Well, the good news is that we figured out what was going on and made some corrections, I’m feeling well enough to travel again…the words are starting to bounce around in my brain. Now I just need to recover from the serious ass-kickin’ I got on Duvall St. (I am a total light-weight when it comes to partying) and I’ll be good to go!

  18. Pingback: Killing Me Softly with His Pills… | k8edid

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