You visited me last night, as I knew you would eventually. It was my first night completely alone and instead of feeling lonely and sad, there was a certain peace over the household. I held your pillow – and your unwashed shirt, the one that says “I’m the reason the beer’s always gone” – and drifted off easily. Your presence is very much felt in this home, as it always will be. Your chair, your dreadfully messy desk, your pictures…your scent which is fading daily.
You smiled your sweet smile and told me that I would be all right and for a second I believed you. You said I was strong, and for a second I believed you. You said you loved me and that I did believe completely. You said I would be happy again someday and I laughed and called you a liar. You smiled your sweet smile again. You told me to go ahead and laugh, swim, play, write, and yes, cry if I must. I asked you what it was like where you were – but you were gone, as quickly as you had appeared.
I woke, as I often do these days, with damp cheeks and a huge empty hole in my heart. And I was alone again. Naturally.
21 responses to “Alone, Again. Naturally.”
Did your husband or significant other pass away?
Yes, Susie, my husband was killed in an automobile accident on August 25.
Oh, my GOD! I am so very sorry. I wish I lived closer so I could help in some way. I will send you many prayers and hugs from Colorado.
Susie, we were on our way to Colorado to visit a college campus with our granddaughter. Our accident happened in Nebraska. I will take as many prayers and hugs as you can spare.
I’m so sorry. It must have been horrific. Sending them your way…
So sweet and so sad.
Oh Katy. So beautiful. So much love and loss. Keep dreaming. Keep writing.
It seems to help…
And I was oh so very glad to see him, if only for a minute, and if only in a dream.
Oh I am so so so so incredibly sorry and cannot imagine the heartache you must be going through, which you expressed beautifully here. He would be proud of your mastery of words.
He always was so proud of my writing…and about everything I did.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Katy. I believe he will always be with you in your dreams. Sending you peace and love.
I’m so sorry, sweetie. He will always be with you.
Always and then some.
I am so sorry for your loss, Katie. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. (Peg’s sister here) xoxo
Hey, Tar. Thanks for the prayers…my family has been so blessed to have so many caring folks praying for us. I know there are brighter days ahead, at least I have to believe that.
Ha – look at that. I must not have signed in when I replied, Tar.
I know he’s with you and reading your beautiful words, Katy. Please keep writing – we love seeing you here.
Even after almost 20 years, my love still comes to speak to me on occasion. Unfortunately, not as often as he did in the early, awful years, but still he comes to shower me with his undying love.