Alone, Again. Naturally.


sleepy lioness

You visited me last night, as I knew you would eventually.  It was my first night completely alone and instead of feeling lonely and sad, there was a certain peace over the household.  I held your pillow – and your unwashed shirt, the one that says “I’m the reason the beer’s always gone” – and drifted off easily.  Your presence is very much felt in this home, as it always will be.  Your chair, your dreadfully messy desk, your pictures…your scent which is fading daily.

You smiled your sweet smile and told me that I would be all right and for a second I believed you.  You said I was strong, and for a second I believed you.  You said you loved me and that I did believe completely.  You said I would be happy again someday and I laughed and called you a liar.  You smiled your sweet smile again.  You told me to go ahead and laugh, swim, play, write, and yes, cry if I must.   I asked you what it was like where you were – but you were gone, as quickly as you had appeared.

I woke, as I often do these days, with damp cheeks and a huge empty hole in my heart.  And I was alone again.  Naturally.

Alone Again, Naturally


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21 responses to “Alone, Again. Naturally.

  1. Did your husband or significant other pass away?

  2. Oh Katy. So beautiful. So much love and loss. Keep dreaming. Keep writing.

  3. Oh I am so so so so incredibly sorry and cannot imagine the heartache you must be going through, which you expressed beautifully here. He would be proud of your mastery of words.

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss, Katy. I believe he will always be with you in your dreams. Sending you peace and love.

  5. I’m so sorry, sweetie. He will always be with you.

  6. I am so sorry for your loss, Katie. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. (Peg’s sister here) xoxo

  7. I know he’s with you and reading your beautiful words, Katy. Please keep writing – we love seeing you here.

  8. Even after almost 20 years, my love still comes to speak to me on occasion. Unfortunately, not as often as he did in the early, awful years, but still he comes to shower me with his undying love.

Talk to me.

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