Ever wished there was a 12-Step program for blogaholics? Well, here’s my take…..
1. We admitted we were powerless against blogging—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Powerless. That’s a powerful word. When you walk past the laptop, do you tell yourself you’re just gonna check your stats real quick? And maybe a just a little quick post? Then 2 hours later, the baby has fallen asleep at your feet with the dog’s bone in his mouth instead of his pacifier? Do you check to see if anyone has commented on your latest post from your cell phone in church? Do the numbers on your stats page affect your outlook for the whole day? Yep. That’s what I’m talking about.
I’ll tell you what HAS become unmanageable. The laundry. The dishes. Cooking. Cleaning. Hygiene. All those things I used to do. Now I sit hunched over the laptop like a fiend. Rapid-fire commenting, entering contests, and pounding out posts so that BOTH my subscribers won’t forget who I am. Relentlessly checking stats and comparing themes, widgets, layouts and followers. You don’t do that? You don’t? Never mind.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
That power is someone I like to call the Wizard of Word(Press) – the WoW. He and His disciples, the Freshly Pressed Overlords could restore us to sanity. Or so we think. I like to believe he’s back there behind the curtain pulling levers and switching switches, while the Overlords feed in every written word to make those magical selections. In reality I think there is probably a computer named BlurbTron3993 that makes those selections. Unless, of course, you have been Freshly Pressed, then THAT was based on sheer talent, of course.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the WoW.
Yep, we’ve done that. Turned our lives over, that is.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Okay, I guess that means we’ve Googled our names, blog names, post titles, user IDs and any other tag or phrase that identifies us. Those search engines are good for that. Then we can fearlessly peruse that list and see to that pesky “moral” inventory part.
5. Admitted to the WoW, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Okay, so I have pilfered some pictures from Google Image. I have dangled more than a few participles, and I have abused several gerunds. I admit it freely. I have posted some totally crappy posts. I’ll need at least one reader to comment so that I’ll know at least one has heard my admission. Any takers? Any one? Hello? Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?
6. Were entirely ready to have the WoW remove all these defects of character.
You know, a good grammar checker and an instantaneous feedback feature would take care of those little defects.
7. Humbly asked the WoW to remove our shortcomings.
I would glady give up my shortcomings, if I had any. Sigh. What? Not humble enough? Okay, Okay, I’ll work on that.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Hmmmm. This is gonna take some time.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
If they haven’t read my posts and don’t know that I’ve harmed them, then it makes no sense to tell them, right? Okay, I’m good.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
What is this Wrong? It’s freedom of the press, baby. Oh. I see. Those wrongs. Ignoring family, friends and responsibilities. Okay, Okay, I get it.
Due to the harsh reality of these economic times, the 12 step program has been downsized. Steps 11 and 12 have been terminated, effective immediately. I apologize for any inconvenience. This will leave you more time for BLOGGING!