Tag Archives: blogosphere

12 Step, Er, I mean 10 Step Program for Blogoholics

A woman typing on a laptop

Image via Wikipedia

Ever wished there was a 12-Step program for blogaholics?  Well, here’s my take…..

1.  We admitted we were powerless against blogging—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Powerless.  That’s a powerful word.  When you walk past the laptop, do you tell yourself you’re just gonna check your stats real quick?   And maybe a just a little quick post?  Then 2 hours later, the baby has fallen asleep at your feet with the dog’s bone in his mouth instead of his pacifier?   Do you check to see if anyone has commented on your latest post from your cell phone in church?  Do the numbers on your stats page affect your outlook for the whole day?  Yep.  That’s what I’m talking about.

I’ll tell you what HAS become unmanageable.  The laundry.  The dishes. Cooking.  Cleaning.  Hygiene.  All those things I used to do.  Now I sit hunched over the laptop like a fiend. Rapid-fire commenting, entering contests, and pounding out posts so that BOTH my subscribers won’t forget who I am.  Relentlessly checking stats and comparing themes, widgets, layouts and followers.  You don’t do that?  You don’t?  Never mind.

2.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

That power is someone I like to call the Wizard of Word(Press) – the WoW.  He and His disciples, the Freshly Pressed Overlords could restore us to sanity.  Or so we think. I like to believe he’s back there behind the curtain pulling levers and switching switches, while the Overlords feed in every written word to make those magical selections.  In reality I think there is probably a computer named BlurbTron3993 that makes those selections.  Unless, of course, you have been Freshly Pressed, then THAT was based on sheer talent, of course.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the WoW.

Yep, we’ve done that.  Turned our lives over, that is.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Okay, I guess that means we’ve Googled our names, blog names, post titles, user IDs and any other tag or phrase that identifies us.  Those search engines are good for that.  Then we can fearlessly peruse that list and see to that pesky “moral” inventory part.

5. Admitted to the WoW, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Okay, so I  have pilfered some pictures from Google Image.  I have dangled more than a few participles, and I have abused several gerunds.  I admit it freely. I have posted some totally crappy posts.  I’ll need at least one reader to comment so that I’ll know at least one has heard my admission.  Any takers?  Any one?  Hello?  Tap tap tap.  Is this thing on?

6. Were entirely ready to have the WoW remove all these defects of character.

You know, a good grammar checker and an instantaneous feedback feature would take care of those little defects.

7. Humbly asked the WoW to remove our shortcomings.

I would glady give up my shortcomings, if I had any.  Sigh.  What?  Not humble enough?  Okay, Okay, I’ll work on that.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Hmmmm.  This is gonna take some time.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

If they haven’t read my posts and don’t know that I’ve harmed them, then it makes no sense to tell them, right?  Okay, I’m good.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

What is this Wrong?  It’s freedom of the press, baby.   Oh. I see.  Those wrongs.  Ignoring family, friends and responsibilities.  Okay, Okay, I get it.

Due to the harsh reality of these economic times, the 12 step program has been downsized.  Steps 11 and 12 have been terminated, effective immediately.  I apologize for any inconvenience.  This will leave you more time for BLOGGING!

30 Comments

Filed under General Mumblings, humor, Uncategorized

Exploding Watermelon, Dead DVR, Juggling and a rant

Every week I visit the flea market near my home to seek out my favorite produce vendor.  I usually take the dog with me, and we peruse the peppers, cucumbers and onions offered up for sale.  I almost always buy a small, seedless watermelon.

Yesterday I attempted to cut into my melon and I had barely punctured the rind when it exploded.  Yes, exploded.

Exploding Watermelon China

Now, when Gallagher smacks a melon on the stage and it explodes, I think it is kind of funny.  After all, those people in the front rows know it’s coming and can prepare themselves.  I had no idea of the exploding nastiness that was about to occur in my already not-so-tidy kitchen.  It was appalling.

So, I did what every self-respecting techno-citizen would do, I went to Google to see about the phenomena of exploding watermelons.  According to this Huffington Post (they’re always right, aren’t they?) seems the Chinese had an issue in May with exploding watermelons in their fields due to overuse of growth accelerant.  What?  Watermelons on steroids?  From China?

Now, then.  What were my favorite vendors – a very nice Hispanic family with a large produce stand doing with exploding melons?  I don’t like to think that they have imported my weekly melons from China, but melon season here in Florida is past (and it was heavenly!!) and those melons had to have come from somewhere else.  Sigh.  Just goes to show you, even when you try to eat healthy, you cannot always control what is going into your food/mouth.  Double sigh.  I think I have scraped all the flying particles from all the surfaces and the kitchen has returned to its usual state, somewhere between spotless and about-to-be-condemned-by-the-health-department.

Last week our DVR bit the dust.  That in itself wasn’t surprising, it had been acting up a bit – turning on and off by itself, freezing up, etc. etc.  What was disheartening was that it had about 30 of the “50 Documentaries to See Before You Die” recorded and they could not be resurrected.  Now, if I want to continue that project, I will have to find those documentaries again, record them again, and then try to find time to actually watch them.

Which brings me to Juggling.  I am starting to feel like a crazed juggler.  I am working 2 part-time jobs, trying to write, trying to keep my household running, finding time to exercise, and lifting myself from the slump I’ve been in.  I want to re-establish my jewelry business, and I want/need to sew.  I’d also like to learn to juggle, in my spare time.

If you have about 4 1/2 minutes, please watch this amazing juggler.  It will mesmerize you.  And it is accompanied by a great Beatles song.  Really, worth the time spent.

Which then brings me to my rant.  Yesterday, I. Went. Off. on a commenter.  I wasn’t going to.  I sat on my vitriolic comments for several hours, composed a nice thank you blah, blah, blah reply – then posted them both.  I considered posting the sweet reply and moving on.  But then, I told myself that when I started the blog, that it would reflect the real me.  And the real me goes off sometimes.  I try to keep it reasonably clean and not hurtful.  Anyone who doesn’t care for my writing or comments is free to avoid my little corner of the blogosphere.

So to my regular subscribers (both of you) I hope that you were not offended by my crazed response to The T.  But I am what I am, and that’s all that I am.

Have a nice day.

 

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized