Tag Archives: Cookies

Ten Ways My Laptop and I Are Alike

laptop

1.   We are big, old and clunky.

Sure, there are a lot of much smaller, sleeker models out there.  We are comfortable with our size, despite all forms of media insisting on displaying only the tiniest, thinnest (probably air-brushed) models.   Of course, we can lie about the year we were manufactured but we will both wear out, become obsolete or experience the dreaded “fatal error” at some point.

Propositional logic 命题逻辑 حساب القضايا साध्यात्...

Propositional logic (Photo credit: Cuito Cuanavale)

2.  We are slowing down.

Neither of us is a speedy as we once were.  Every function seems to take a wee bit longer, from booting up in the morning to shutting down at night.  Once in a while, we both get hung up in the middle of a transaction and just shut down or lose it altogether.  Our ability to fluidly switch between tasks, or manage multiple tasks simultaneously, seems to have become a bit sluggish.  Deal with it.

TEAMWORK WINS - NARA - 515550

TEAMWORK WINS – NARA – 515550 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3.  Neither of us functions well without the other.

One of us fits on top of the lap desk; the other one fits nicely below it.  We are a team.  The one on top of the lap desk requires assistance from the one beneath the lap desk for all functions.  The one situated below the lap desk has come to depend on the upper one for all knowledge, communication, and entertainment.

Southwest Florida sunrise

Photo credit: k8edid

 4.  We have stored a lot of snapshots, beautiful memories, fantastic music and a few videos on our respective hard drives.

The laptop’s memories are backed up onto sky drives, thumb drives, virtual drives and memory sticks.  My memories are backed up by passing on to the young whippersnappers who follow in my footsteps, stored in albums and on CDs.  Oh, and on lots and lots of Post-it-Notes.

Garbage (song)

5.  Garbage in = garbage out.

My laptop can’t create anything fabulous without good input.  I can’t function on a steady diet of crap (although, I have tried for years).  And we both seem to have accumulated a few crumbs in hiding places.

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine,...

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine, shot at Western Development Museum, Saskatoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6.  We are better than nothing (and some of the alternatives).

Say…. a Smith Corona, a set of encyclopedias and microwaved frozen dinners.

Technical Support Explained

Technical Support Explained (Photo credit: Brett Jordan)

7.  We can be a lot of trouble.

The laptop requires a steady stream of electrical current, wi-fi signal, and patience.  I require a steady stream of coffee, occasional alcoholic beverages, and huge amounts of patience.  The laptop requires routine maintenance, occasional technical support, and frequent rebooting.  I require routine maintenance (although not as much as some much newer, sleeker, models).  I seek occasional technical support from my physician, dentist and optometrist. The laptop requires the occasional replacement of non-working parts.  I require the occasional relocation of malfunctioning parts.  I also need frequent rebooting.  Repairs can be expensive for either – loaners are usually not available…

Yummy. Just plain yummy.  Photo credit:  k8edid

8.  Cookies are involved.

I bring them with me, my laptop leaves them wherever it goes.

Publicity photo from the 100th episode of the ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9.  Neither of us recognizes my recorded voice.

Seriously.  It is somewhere between Johnny Cash and Tiny Tim.  Dragon must be too busy laughing to actually recognize it.

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic)

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10.  My husband doesn’t know what is going on with either of us unless he pushes the right buttons.

For real.  He also has to know when to push them, what order to push them in, and which ones to push simultaneously while holding his breath and offering a silent prayer.  Fortunately for me, he rarely gives me the 3-finger salute (or even the 1-finger one, for that matter – he’s a gentleman).

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Filed under General Mumblings, humor

K8edid’s Top Secret World Famous Soft Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Image: Billboard at the Oak Ridge Facility warning workers to keep silent with regards to anything seen or heard while working on the Manhattan Project (© Ed Clark/Life Magazine/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images)

You know those “World Famous” chocolate chip cookies that everyone raves about?  Yes, the ones made from the recipe on yellow package of semi-sweet chips?  Yes, those.  Everyone loves those, right?  Blech. Pfffft.  Ack.  (Cue screeching brake sounds and audible gasps.)

Yes, you heard me right.  Blech.  Those flattened out, greasy little blobs look like something you might find lying about in a cow pasture.  A colossal waste of raw cookie dough (salmonella, be damned!!!!).  They taste unfinished, somehow, and greasy.  I prefer my chocolate chip cookies to be light, fluffy, and soft.

This top secret recipe has been shared before, but only a few times.  Invariably, everyone with whom I have shared the recipe accuses me of leaving out an ingredient or two, or of not giving good directions.  What is eventually revealed, however, is that the world-class cookie-baker-wannabe has changed up the recipe in an effort to save time, labor, or calories.  DON’T DO IT.  Also, get a meat fork to stab those family members who will invariably be hovering about the kitchen waiting for you to turn your back so they can steal the raw dough from your bowl.  Or stealthily obscond with warm-from-the-oven-cookies until the batch you promised for the office potluck numbers in single digits.

So, here we go.  For those cookie purists who insist on using butter, messing up 3 or 4 bowls in the process of making cookies, and those who insist on making substitutions – if you try this recipe and insist on doing it your way – don’t yell at me.

K8EDID’S TOP SECRET – WORLD FAMOUS SOFT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.  Bring ingredients to room temperature.

1 cup margarine (I can hear you cookie “must use butter” purists groaning – Stop it!!)

2/3 cup packed light brown sugar

2/3 cup granualated sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

3 large eggs

2 Tbsp water

3 3/4  cups flour

12 oz semi sweet chocolate pieces

Beat room temperature margarine with a mixer until pale and fluffy.  Add brown sugar and beat thoroughly.  Add granualted sugar and beat thoroughly.  (There is a lot of “beat thoroughly” in this recipe – it is important to make the cookies light and fluffy.  The dough will look more like a cake batter at first – just work with me, okay?) 

Add vanilla, baking powder, baking soda, water, and salt.  Guess what — beat thoroughly.  Add eggs, one at a time, beating thoroughly after each egg.  Add flour, one cup at a time. Beat with mixer (Yep, thoroughly) after each addition.  If you do not have a heavy duty mixer you may want to switch to mixing with a large wooden spoon after the second cup of flour is added – I have burned up more than one hand mixer with this recipe.  The dough will be very stiff.  Stir in chocolate chips.

Form cookies by rolling heaping tablespoonfuls of dough into a ball.  Place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Flatten slightly with your hand.  Bake in 350 degree oven for  12-13 minutes.  Cookies should be pale and fluffy, and when touched will leave a slight indentation.  Cool on cookie sheet for 1-2 minutes then cool on rack or clean dish towel.   Makes 24 – 28 good sized cookies, depending on how many vultures swiped your dough when you were bent over taking the cookies out of the oven. 

If you bake the cookies until they are browned, they will be dry and hard and even your dog will not eat them.  Even dunking them in coffee won’t save them.  Go ahead and throw them out or take them to work – someone there will eat them – but don’t admit to making them, you have a reputation to uphold, after all.

Yummy. Just plain yummy.

 Preferred by Armadillos everywhere:

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Filed under humor, K8e's Kitchen, Uncategorized

Um, I’m gonna need a dozen of those White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies, too

Subway Employee Sold Weed With Foot Longs:

Customers at a Fort Pierce Subway may have gotten a little something extra with their sandwiches, deputies said.

Deputies said Subway employee Elizabeth Hunt, 47, was selling bags of marijuana to customers who asked for “extra meat” on their sandwiches.

According to the St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office, undercover deputies twice used the code words “extra meat” when they ordered sandwiches from Hunt when she worked behind the counter of the sandwich shop at the Hess convenience store on U.S. 1.

“The ‘extra meat’ was a baggie of marijuana that Hunt slipped into the sandwich bag,” Sheriff Ken Mascara said.

Detectives arrested Hunt Thursday morning and charged her with two counts of sale of marijuana, one count of possession with intent to sell and one count of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bond was set at $55,000.

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Filed under General Mumblings