Tag Archives: Home Depot

Does this Cement Make My Butt Look Big?

Baby got Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

Junk(yard) in the Trunk.

A Miami Gardens transgender woman, Oneal Ron Morris, was arrested for practicing medicine without a license after police say she(?) injected a patient’s rear with a concoction of  cement, “Fix a Flat,” mineral oil and super glue.  Morris then sealed the amateur surgical site with Super Glue.  The patient, surprisingly, ended up hospitalized with a serious medical condition.  I know that is hard to imagine.  Read the story here.

Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an “apparently enhanced rear” herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. It was unknown if Ms. Morris has an attorney, but Gloria Allred was spotted in West Palm Beach, headed south.

Police believe there may be other victims of Morris who may be afraid to come forward. They said the victims haven’t done anything illegal and shouldn’t be afraid to come forward.  More likely they are afraid to leave the house with an ass the size of Kansas.  I suspect if Miami Gardens police were to spend any time looking, victims of Ms(?) Morris may not be too difficult to spot out in public.  At least one woman was arrested for causing a scene when she was told she would have to purchase a separate airline ticket for each of her ass cheeks.  Another was rescued from the bottom of a swimming pool when her ass sank during a party.

For the life of me, I cannot imagine wanting to have anything injected into my ass and have, in fact, spent the better part of my adult life trying to reduce the size of my generous bubble butt.  (For God’s sake, whatever you do, DO NOT Google “bubble butt”.  I warned you.)  If only there were a donor registry, where I could offer up my surplus for those women whose asses need enhancement.  Perhaps I should put an ad on Craig’s List.  With a picture.

Seriously, that is not really my ass.  Mine is bigger.

Apparently, illegal buttocks injections are on the rise.  So called “pumping parties” are taking place in which unlicensed practitioners are performing injections in hotel rooms, homes, garages, even sheds.  Illegal silicone injections can be deadly, experts say.  Ya think?  A Georgia woman was recently arrested after performing illegal buttocks injections in a Washington DC hotel room that sent one woman to the hospital with “complications”.  It is unknown how many injections the woman had performed, but hotel records show that the woman had over 100 stays at the same DC establishment in recent months.  She has spent more time in our nation’s capitol than many members of Congress (and has apparently accomplished a lot more while in town).

The “sagging” economy is blamed for the rise in the number of women who are seeking buttock enhancement from anyone with access to syringes, a Home Depot credit card, and a flat surface on which to perform surgery.  Come to think of it, I have all those things….

In a related story, the manufacturers of “Fix a Flat” have renamed the product “Fix a Flat Ass” in an attempt to bolster drooping sales.

Photo credit:  Miami Gardens Police Department


Filed under General Mumblings, humor, Uncategorized