Tag Archives: technology

Ten Ways My Laptop and I Are Alike

laptop

1.   We are big, old and clunky.

Sure, there are a lot of much smaller, sleeker models out there.  We are comfortable with our size, despite all forms of media insisting on displaying only the tiniest, thinnest (probably air-brushed) models.   Of course, we can lie about the year we were manufactured but we will both wear out, become obsolete or experience the dreaded “fatal error” at some point.

Propositional logic 命题逻辑 حساب القضايا साध्यात्...

Propositional logic (Photo credit: Cuito Cuanavale)

2.  We are slowing down.

Neither of us is a speedy as we once were.  Every function seems to take a wee bit longer, from booting up in the morning to shutting down at night.  Once in a while, we both get hung up in the middle of a transaction and just shut down or lose it altogether.  Our ability to fluidly switch between tasks, or manage multiple tasks simultaneously, seems to have become a bit sluggish.  Deal with it.

TEAMWORK WINS - NARA - 515550

TEAMWORK WINS – NARA – 515550 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3.  Neither of us functions well without the other.

One of us fits on top of the lap desk; the other one fits nicely below it.  We are a team.  The one on top of the lap desk requires assistance from the one beneath the lap desk for all functions.  The one situated below the lap desk has come to depend on the upper one for all knowledge, communication, and entertainment.

Southwest Florida sunrise

Photo credit: k8edid

 4.  We have stored a lot of snapshots, beautiful memories, fantastic music and a few videos on our respective hard drives.

The laptop’s memories are backed up onto sky drives, thumb drives, virtual drives and memory sticks.  My memories are backed up by passing on to the young whippersnappers who follow in my footsteps, stored in albums and on CDs.  Oh, and on lots and lots of Post-it-Notes.

Garbage (song)

5.  Garbage in = garbage out.

My laptop can’t create anything fabulous without good input.  I can’t function on a steady diet of crap (although, I have tried for years).  And we both seem to have accumulated a few crumbs in hiding places.

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine,...

English: 1890s L. C. Smith typewriter machine, shot at Western Development Museum, Saskatoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6.  We are better than nothing (and some of the alternatives).

Say…. a Smith Corona, a set of encyclopedias and microwaved frozen dinners.

Technical Support Explained

Technical Support Explained (Photo credit: Brett Jordan)

7.  We can be a lot of trouble.

The laptop requires a steady stream of electrical current, wi-fi signal, and patience.  I require a steady stream of coffee, occasional alcoholic beverages, and huge amounts of patience.  The laptop requires routine maintenance, occasional technical support, and frequent rebooting.  I require routine maintenance (although not as much as some much newer, sleeker, models).  I seek occasional technical support from my physician, dentist and optometrist. The laptop requires the occasional replacement of non-working parts.  I require the occasional relocation of malfunctioning parts.  I also need frequent rebooting.  Repairs can be expensive for either – loaners are usually not available…

Yummy. Just plain yummy.  Photo credit:  k8edid

8.  Cookies are involved.

I bring them with me, my laptop leaves them wherever it goes.

Publicity photo from the 100th episode of the ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9.  Neither of us recognizes my recorded voice.

Seriously.  It is somewhere between Johnny Cash and Tiny Tim.  Dragon must be too busy laughing to actually recognize it.

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic)

Ctrl+Alt+Del (webcomic) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10.  My husband doesn’t know what is going on with either of us unless he pushes the right buttons.

For real.  He also has to know when to push them, what order to push them in, and which ones to push simultaneously while holding his breath and offering a silent prayer.  Fortunately for me, he rarely gives me the 3-finger salute (or even the 1-finger one, for that matter – he’s a gentleman).

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Filed under General Mumblings, humor

FTFFT – Fingers Too Fat for Texting

Renee, from Life in the Boomer Lane, gave some great advice about never taking your cell phone out in public, lest people know you are a geezer. Unlike some of my peers, I gave up my ancient phone (you know the kind that you can make and receive calls on?  Nothing else.) I now have a smart phone, but once I take it out (provided, of course, I can remember where I last set the damned thing down), everyone knows I am a geezer.  I haven’t a clue how to use it.  Oh, I can answer it, sometimes, when I remember to slide the little green “button” to the right.  Usually I figure it out before someone leaves me a voicemail.  Which I haven’t figured out how to retrieve.

I get e-mails on my phone, allegedly.  At least it says I have 191 e-mails.  Don’t know how to retrieve those, either.  I did stop by the phone store to have someone show me how, but the 11 year old (I swear) who was working there touched the screen a couple of times, mumbled something about “pop servers” and handed the phone back to me.  The notification for the 191 e-mails was gone.  Not sure about the e-mails. And pop was never served.

I could possibly text on my phone.  The New Yorker recently published a list of text abbreviations and symbols Boomers could use in their texts.  I happen to like T4W (Time for Whiskey) and WWIS (What Was I Saying?).

The only real problem here is, I have FTFFT (Fingers Too Fat For Texting).  I recently managed to hit both the 4 and 6 when I was trying for the 5 when placing a call.  I spoke to someone in New Zealand, I believe.  The touch screen is incredibly small and is hard for me to type on while holding a magnifying glass in one hand.

Not to worry, my kids point out, I have auto-correct turned on (as if I knew how to do that).  I tried to send a message to my sons, Pancho and Lefty.  It went something like this:

Busy. Ruins evenly diy. Hit if bell. Liver yip bath. Murder.

What I was trying to say was: Boys, Rains every day. Hot as hell. Love you both. Madre.

I want my geezer phone back.

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Filed under General Mumblings, humor, Uncategorized