GIVE UP THE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS AND NOBODY GETS HURT
A week of dieting Left me hungry and mean.
So I gathered some quarters for the vending machine.
Down the hall I slipped with nary a sound
To that mechanical beast where the goodies are found.
Standing shyly before its shiny glass front
There was no doubt about which treat I would want.
There in the fifth row, E6!! barely hanging on
Was that carb-loaded concoction of which I am fond.
My mouth was watering just at the thought
Of the creamy deliciousness that soon would be bought.
The chocolate! the peanut butter! smooth not chunky.
My hands were shaking like some kind of junkie.
My quarters clunked in, some gears were a-grinding
The metal corkscrew then started unwinding.
The orange package moved nearer the place it would drop.
But I stared in horror as it ground to a stop.
It dangled there, precariously, relentlessly mocking
My anger was growing, my language was shocking.
I gave the machine a nudge with my right shoulder,
Then shoved with both hands, my language grew bolder.
“Curse you”, I shouted, eyeing the hostage confection
“Those should be mine – it’s my chosen selection!”
“Those are my peanut butter cups – the snack of my dreams”
“I want them now” I cried between screams.
I knelt on the floor near that mechanical thief –
Trying to claim what was mine, put a stop to my grief.
People were passing, glancing disapprovingly downward
At the pathetic woman and the coarse language they heard!
“Give them to me – I bought them. They’re mine”
I reached up higher, twisting my spine.
Just out of my reach, the object of my affection.
“I can’t reach you” I cried out in total dejection.
Stuck in the machine with my arm in it’s grasp.
My voice was fading, my breath but a gasp.
“I want them – I need them – before my brain seizes.
“Give them to me”, I sobbed “I want my Reese’s”.
My students approached me, there down on the floor
With my arm jammed up the little swinging door.
“Need help?” they asked while derisively smirking.
“No thanks,” I sniffed. “This machine just isn’t working”.
“All I wanted was a darned peanut butter cup”
I whimpered, then groaned, and managed to get up.
Massaged my bruised arm, brushed off my slacks.
Then gave the machine a couple of good whacks.
“Here, let us help you” two of the larger males offered.
I couldn’t refuse the help that they proffered.
They tilted the machine, shook it frontward and back
But the glass-fronted behemoth wouldn’t give up the snack.
Security officers were making their rounds
And decided to investigate the unusual sounds.
When they saw my students and I were on a mission
They joined in the fight – of their own volition.
There was this crowd, pounding, shaking and cursing.
Hardly proper behavior in a college of nursing.
All of us bent to the one task before us.
“Give up the Reese’s” became our loud chorus.
The dean then walked up, quarters in hand
We stepped aside as the selections she scanned.
“Doesn’t work” we all warned, but she paid us no heed.
She dropped in her quarters at lightning speed.
E6 she selected and the machine came alive.
Whirring and grinding, motor in overdrive.
Lights blinked then went out – a loud groan went up.
All we wanted was a damned peanut butter cup!
She pounded the glass, the lights turned back on
She elbowed the buttons, the noises were gone!
The peanut butter cups were rapidly dropping.
Till the row was empty – there was no stopping.
We thrust in our arms, pulling out handfuls of wonder
The depth of the beast we did gleefully plunder.
Stuffing our pockets we then quickly scattered
To our offices and classrooms; to the taste that mattered!
Finally back at my desk, peanut butter cups in hand
I opened that first package – the aroma was grand.
The first bite – pure heaven – deliciously creamy.
My eyes glazed over, my thoughts turned all dreamy.
Three hours later, when I should have been busy
A great sugar buzz left me reeling and dizzy
Orange wrappers covered the desk and the floor
I knew that I couldn’t eat even one more.
The rest of the day was merely a blur
My head on my desk, I barely did stir.
Phones and e-mails ignored; my office door closed.
As I suffered a massive peanut butter cup overdose.
On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic, Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.
Why this topic? Why now?
Click on these “Reese’s Pieces” links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.