25 Things to Avoid in This Life Time

We’ve all seen the Bucket Lists.  Now time for a F*#& It List – 25 Things I’m going to do my best to avoid before the gig is up.

1.  Crack cocaine.  Nuff said.

2.  Elective surgery.  I don’t care how much something sags, drops, falls, or is just plain unsightly.   If it is compatible with life – I’m keeping it (unless of course I develop one of those 100 pound tumors on my face – or butt, or from my face to my butt).

3. Alligator wrestling.  I know, I’m just no fun.  I think alligators are stupid and people who want to wrestle around with them…… well, I generally root for the alligator.

4. Mountain climbing.  I have trouble walking on perfectly flat terrain.  YOU climb the mountain if you want to see the top (and send me a picture, please).

5. Nude camping.  I saw a billboard for a nude RV resort.  Come on, people.  The mosquitoes and biting flies have access to enough of my skin, I’m not giving them more opportunities.  Besides the potential for sunburns, all those embers from the campfire, dripping marshmallows – all potential injuries to exposed skin.  I’ll pass.

6. Participating in a reality show.  This doesn’t even need explanation.

7. Dating.  I don’t think I could do it even if I became divorced or widowed.  I would rather turn into the crazy cat lady.  Being married for almost 32 years has either spoiled me, or ruined me, not sure which.

8. Sailing around the world solo.  Who would I have to bitch at? And blame everything on?  Sounds perfectly awful to me.

9. Baling hay.  Did this as a teenager.  Hot, nasty, exhausting work.  If I should ever need hay for some reason, I’ll work 2 or 3 jobs just to avoid having to bale it myself.

10. Snake handling.  Not for me, thanks.

11. Learning golf.  I suck at enough stuff as it is.

12. Driving a race car.  I am an old lady.  I drive like one.  I like it that way.  If you don’t like it, don’t get behind me.

13. Visiting the Corn Palace.  Call me crazy, this just doesn’t even sound like fun.

14.  Bungee jumping.  I broke an ankle just walking, what do you think snapping at the end of an elastic rope would do for me?

15. Entering a competitive eating contest. Any eating contest. These really disgust me.

16. Writing a sibling’s obituary.  I weep just thinking about it.

17. Parasailing.  Just looks dumb.

18. Outliving my children.  Or grandchildren.  More weeping.

19. Losing my sense of humor, although I have been known to temporarily misplace it.

20. Running for political office.  If I want to serve in some capacity, I’ll volunteer somewhere.  Every politician I have ever known, or worked for, was a morally bankrupt, incompetent bag of hot air.  I wouldn’t have to become like them, but I’d have to work with them and I don’t have the stomach for it.

21. Staying at an Ice Hotel.  I’m sorry, the cold makes me hurt and hurting makes me cranky.  I want smooth warm sheets, a hot tub, and comfortable temperatures.

22.  Running from the law.  I’ll turn myself in.  Some days 3 hots and a cot doesn’t sound all bad.  Besides, I don’t drive fast enough (see #12) to get away.  My luck, my slow-speed chase would be televised live or turned into a segment of a reality show (see #6).

23. Eating any of the disgusting things Andrew Zimmern eats on his show.

24. Eating any of the disgusting things Paula Deen cooks on her show.  My arteries harden up just WATCHING her cook.

25.  Moving in with one of my children.  I pray I’ll just “check out” on the dance floor, with a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other (even though I don’t smoke, I might take it up again if it will help me avoid living with one of my children).  I love them and I know they’d take care of me but I’d rather not.

Okay, what do you want to avoid in your life time?


Filed under General Mumblings, Uncategorized

39 responses to “25 Things to Avoid in This Life Time

  1. I like your approach to come up with a list that goes in a different direction than a bucket list. I’m totally with you on many of these, especially participating in a reality show and alligator wrestling. Actually, those things seem eerily similar. Especially when the alligator gossips behind my back after he kicks my butt.

  2. What a clever move, nice innovation on the ‘bucket’ list.

  3. I smell a Freshly Pressed post…. This is hilarious!

  4. Very funny and clever. I can think of a few more things, like doing a Senior Group Tour to the Amazon–all those poisonous creatures and very few bathrooms…

  5. Your “alligators are stupid” remark gave me such a good laugh! As for the Corn Palace, I will be there this month to attend a Tanya Tucker concert. Great list!

  6. Things to avoid in this lifetime …

    Another blind date from hell. I’ve been on a few too many. I wish I had a jerk detector.

  7. Thanks, K8edid – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
    LOVE your list and attitude. I relate – especially alligator wrestling, snake handling, competitive eating contests, ice hotels, anything to do with camping. However, I enjoy para sailing, can’t do it enough – it’s an amazing experience!

  8. So glad you are back to your blog. I’ve missed you. And wow — I luv the 25 things NOT to do. Sorry, but I so have to steal your idea and create my own. Hope that’s OK with you, especially since I will also include #6 no nude camping!!!

    • Oh, certainly do. I stole it from someone else, too. It is apparently a writing exercise on several different writing sites. Can’t wait to read yours.

  9. Getting heartbroken again.
    I can’t think of anything else at the moment!

  10. I do love that “nude camping,” “dating” and “visiting the Corn Palace” are on the same list — brilliant.

    And I agree almost universally with your list. Save the dating, that is … it was tough to get back out there post-divorce, but it sure made for some FUN stories! 😉

    • Oh, I have enjoyed your post-divorce dating stories tremendously. I am sure that if I were to find myself suddenly single, I’d have to give it a try, for research purposes if nothing else. Thanks for stopping by.

  11. GG

    Reality shows ! absolutely agree!

  12. What would REALLY suck would be to get stuck on a blind *date* with a *nude* *alligator* wrestler who just escaped from prison (see #22)!
    Since my divorce I hated the dating experience so I fixed it by dating my ex! It’s complicated!

  13. kba

    I´m sorry, but I too feel I might have to copy this idea. I giggled and nodded in agreement at many and just loved nr 14 and 19.

  14. Pingback: The reverse bucket list – so weird to compile, thanks k8edid! | Vent-elated

  15. Not sure how I linked up to this old post, but I’m so glad I did. I agree with you 96%. The 4% is golf. I love, love, love it and I totally suck. I just can’t be serious about it. The rest…I’m with you, baby. Fun post.

    • I just can’t bring myself to spend time (and money) on something that I stink at (and really don’t enjoy that much). Besides, then my husband would want me to golf with him, and frankly I enjoy it when he goes off to golf…

  16. Thanks for coming by – sure enjoy your blog, as well.

    Golf, well, like I said, I suck at enough stuff already.

  17. Wow! What food for thought! A reverse bucket list.

    Hmmm, besides never going on another post-divorce date again (you don’t want to know…) as long as I live, what would be another one? I’m not sure. I’m afraid by saying I’ll never do it that it I’ll find the exception to the rule. LOL

    Run for president. Run for any political office. I cannot imagine wanting the sheer torment people go through when running for such things – everyone finds out everything you ever did and I’m sure the fact I knew a totally bizarre man known as Chicken Phucer when I was in college would come out and destroy me. Plus they end up selling their soul to the evil incarnation of one’s choice in order to get elected and stay elected.

  18. This is hilarious; love it and am pretty much with you on everything, especially the nude camping, since we camp a lot! Enough skin, “nuff” said! 🙂 Thanks also for your nice comment on my “Wicked Relations” poem and for stopping by!

  19. Pingback: Miss Deerhunter’s Reverse Bucket List | Miss Deerhunter

  20. Pingback: Don’t die wondering « Theattitudequeen's Blog

  21. This is an amazingly complete list! One of the best (besides the obits — definitely weep-inspiring) is the one about golfing. I hate golfing. I’m terrible at it. And I took lessons!

    • THe list was incredibly simple to create – apparently I’m better at identifying things I don’t want to do than I am at picking things I want to try yet in this lifetime. Thanks for stopping by.

Talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s