Grunt Work (Or Stop All That Noise and Act Like a Lady)

The Women’s Tennis Association has decided that all that grunting and shrieking done by female players is disruptive, disturbing, and completely unnecessary.  Steps have been put into place to assure that the next generation of female tennis players won’t come to the court with that nasty little habit of making noise at the moment of maximal exertion.  Young players are being educated and counseled about the disruption caused by such vocalizations and warned about the penalties proposed for such blatant acts of unnecessary squawking.

Never mind that men, also, have been known to grunt, groan, whoosh  and such when smashing a backhand or acing a serve.  Not an issue, I guess.  There is talk of supplying umpires with Grunt-o-meters and allowing the umps to dock points of players if the little ladies’ vocalizations are excessive.

Regardless of where you come down on this issue (if at all), it irks me that strong, healthy competitive women are told how to behave.  Do they have to go back to wearing cute little tennis dresses, with charming hats and happy little smiles?

English: Tennis players in Shorncliffe, ca. 1917. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Athletes make noise when physical exertion is at it’s peak.  Studies have shown that athletes believe it enhances their performance by boosting energy and releasing adrenaline; further studies seem to support that theory.  Weight lifters, javelin throwers, and practitioners of the martial arts ALL make vocalizations at the point of maximum exertion.  How much fun would it be to watch someone karate chop a stack of cement blocks without the accompanying HI-YA?

Surprisingly, Maria Sharapova, who has been “clocked” at over 101 decibels – up there with the noise level of a chainsaw or a speeding train, is in favor of the move – just not with current athletes.  She says she learned the habit as a child and it is a part of her playing regimen.

I’ve decided that maybe it will boost my energy and release some adrenaline if I start vocalizing at the exact moment I’ve executed a move in my daily routine.  It is bound to be helpful.

Punch the brew button on the Keurig – HHHHHHEEEEEEE

Corral the “girls” and fasten my bra – HUUUUUUUMPF

Hit enter key on a witty Facebook status update –  AAAAAAYYYYYYY

Bend over to tie my orthopedic nursing shoes – UUUUUUGGHHHHH

Maneuver around a diesel spewing supercab towing a 45 foot travel trailer – SSSSHHHHHIIIIIZZZZ

Hit enter on electronic gradebook that sends grades to students who will begin e-mailing me within minutes – WWWWWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE

Slap a dinner of reheated leftovers and deli salads on the table – MMMMMMMMMTTTTHHHHH

Final swipe of the counter to knock the crumbs onto the floor for the dog – WWWWWOOOOOOOOTTTTT

Toss tennis ball for dog in lieu of walking her – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFF

Fluff pillow before plopping head onto it – OOOOOOORRRRRRRRFFFFFFF

I feel better already.

How could a well-placed vocalization improve your day?